Its old, but i think its pretty funny

Little Johnny has a swearing problem and his father has had enough, so he decides to go to a shrink to solve the problem.
He asks the shrink: "My son has a problem with foul language, can you suggest anything?"

The shrink replies, "Well Christmas is coming up, so I say leave a pile of dog poop instead of what he really wants."

The father gets home and Johnny says to him, "When I wake up on Christmas, I want to wake up to a god damn teddy bear. When I go downstairs, I want to see a god damn train circling the god damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a god damn bicycle leaning against the god damn garage."

Christmas morning arrives. Johnny wakes up and rolls over a pile of dog poop. Confused, he goes downstairs and sees a big pile of dog poop under the tree. He then goes to look outside and sees another pile of dog poop next to the garage.

The father goes downstairs and asks, "So, what'd Santa leave you?"

Johnny responds, "I think I got a god damn dog but I can't find the son of a bitch!"









A little boy at a wedding looks at his mother and says, "Mommy, why is the girl wearing white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"





A Mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. First he writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.
He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."