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i think you did a good job... my only suggestions are first, that you lower the bpm, because the vibe of the vocals doesn't fit a fast-paced song. secondly, the distorted guitar sounds you used are great, but as said above, i don't know if they fit in perfectly with the song, either. overall it's a well done song, though.
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my eyes had closed before me
as i tried to hide from this sadness...
but there is nowhere to hide
in an empty world.
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