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I like the feel you've got going on there, but some of the perc just sounds so.. .standard, for lack of a better word, it doesn't really fit with the tune. That snare drum in particular, I really don't like it (although I don't know anything about producing breaks, so i can't really help you out with what to use).
It all just goes on a bit, apart from that melody that comes in halfway there aren't really any big changes to it.
Sounds very amateurish, I'm guessing you've not been producing long, so all I can say is just keep at it...
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