Boring Boring Warney
To the tune of "In your f*cking slums"

He's given up pizzas, he's given up pies
He's given up nurses, he's stopped telling lies
Warnie's a boring old fart
Warnie's a boring old fart

So get eating pizzas and get being fat
Get seeing a bookie and stop being a twat
Warnie's a boring old fart
Warnie's a boring old fart

We'll get you a nice English tart
Warnie's a boring old fart

Boring boring Warnie
Boring boring Warnie
Boring boring Warnie



Shane Warne
To the tune of "My Old Man's A Dustman"


Shane Warne is an Aussie
He wears a baggy cap
He's got a Nike earing
He looks an Aussie Twat
He's got his little flipper
He's got his box of tricks
But when he bowls to Freddie
He gets knocked for six.



Australian National Anthem

We are a convict colony
We carry balls and chains
Our blokes are mainly beach bums who
Are really far too vein

We like to go a-shooting
Or shag a kangaroo
Our culture amounts to no more
Than Rolf and his Didgeridoo.

Our culture amounts to no more
Than Rolf and his Didgeridoo.

You may have seen our cricket team
They are an ugly mob
We've got the McGrath the bank robber
And Waugh with his loud gob

Is that kid really Gilchrists' son?
Or Slaters? It's hard to tell
Shane Warne has launched his own wine range
With names he cannot spell.

Shane Warne has launched his own wine range
With names he cannot spell.

We like to go Pommie bashing
Well, what else can we do?
For they have got some history
And first hand culture too

We think that if we win the Tests
We'll be a stronger place
But still the cash of this nation
Displays the Pom Queens face

But still the cash of this nation
Displays the Pom Queens face.



The Aussies Love the English

The Aussies love the English, you might find it quite strange
'Cos we sent them all down under, with only balls and chains
And when they see the English, they always shout and scream
But when they had the chance to vote they voted for the Queen!

God save your gracious Queen
Long live your noble Queen
God save your Queen (you're a convict)
Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over you
God save your Queen.



Convict Colony
To the tune of "Yellow Submarine"

In the town where I was born, there lived a man who was a thief
And he told me of his life, stealing bread and shagging sheep.
So they put him in the nick, and then a magistrate he went to see
He said "put him on a ship, to the convict colony"

You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony, a convict colony
You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony, a convict colony

You Can Sings Sod All
To the tune of "Wonderwall"

Today is gonna be the day that we're gonna sing a song for you.
By now you should've somehow realized that's what we're here to do.
And I don't believe that anybody sings as bad as you.
AUSSIE CONVICTS

Backbeat, the word is on the street that you can't even write a song
I'm sure, you've heard it all before, but c'mon Aussies prove us wrong
'Cos I don't believe that anybody's quite as thick as you
AUSSIE CONVICTS

The "oh aah" song you sing for Glenn is so sad
And "Warney Warney Warney" is just as bad
There are many songs that I would like to hear from you
But you don't know how, (don't know how)
'Cos maybe, (maybe) you'll never find a song to play me, (play me)
'Cos after all, YOU CAN SING SOD ALL!


monday - it begins