http://www.collegesexadvice.com/

Pretty funny stuff below. As usual some are funny some are stupid. Also if you're a poor bastard here you go: http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/

10 Worst Handjob Mistakes

#9

Smoking

Smoking during a handjob is the kind of thing you might expect from a cheap hooker with a bad attitude, but don’t be surprised if you also encounter it from a party girl wasted on too many Slippery Nipples. In any case, we can’t emphasize this enough: Cigarettes and handjobs do not mix. Guys, don’t ever let anyone holding a burning object anywhere near your crotch. Smoldering ashes in the groin, scorch marks on the dick, blazing pubes - the potential for tragedy is just too great.

31 Really Bad Masturbation Techniques

#12

With a TV remote

One night I was home alone and watching TV. I suddenly "got that urge" and needed to hump something fast. All I could find to use that was remotely close to a dildo was, ironically, the remote. It was fairly good-sized and I was forcing it in and out of my pussy and rubbing my clit at the same time, and the buttons felt INCREDIBLE. So after I came, I took the remote out and wiped it off on my pants, and started to use it ... but it didn't work! I changed the batteries, I cleaned it as best I could, but all my cum had totally clogged and fried the thing! So I had to throw it against the wall until it looked plenty broken and then I told my parents I stepped on it.

10 Worst Cunnilingus Mistakes

#7

Singing the Alphabet Song

Some guys like to use the trick of spelling the letters of the alphabet on her clit using their tongue. Fine, just don't start singing "Now I know my ABCs" while you're doing it. If you're going to get studious while your down in her muff, try composing your term paper with your tongue. It may be the first time anybody ever got off on Kafka.

10 Worst Blowjob Mistakes

#10

Stranglehold

Don't put his cock in a deathgrip. It's fine to wrap a hand around the shaft, but don't clench and for god's sake, watch the nails. Just hold it enough to keep it from flopping around and shuck his pole with your hand while you work him with your mouth. His dick shouldn't have a handprint on in when you're done.

___________________
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

college sex advice: have as much sex as you can, with as many people as you can.

___________________

My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow, but so is cod liver oil.

quote:

Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

quote:

Smoking during a handjob is the kind of thing you might expect from a cheap hooker with a bad attitude, but don’t be surprised if you also encounter it from a party girl wasted on too many Slippery Nipples. In any case, we can’t emphasize this enough: Cigarettes and handjobs do not mix. Guys, don’t ever let anyone holding a burning object anywhere near your crotch. Smoldering ashes in the groin, scorch marks on the dick, blazing pubes - the potential for tragedy is just too great.

So not true. I had an ex & we would share a smoke while she played with my wang. No problems, very comfortable & relaxing too.

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. . .. . .. . . . .. . .

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee college sex advice: have as much sex as you can, with as many people as you can.

i agree, but always use a condom too.

quote:

Originally posted by butterfly i agree, but always use a condom too.

word
and dont shag tramps

that's what beer goggles are for!

___________________

My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow, but so is cod liver oil.

quote:

Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

quote:

Originally posted by M@t word and dont shag tramps

She gets too hungry to wait for dinner at eight
She loves the theater but never comes late
She'd never bother with people she'd hate
That's why the lady is a tramp.

Apparently.

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee that's what beer goggles are for!

Yup, they've got you some action in the past, eh Sly! *nudge*

___________________

"I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."

quote:

Originally posted by Fundamental Yup, they've got you some action in the past, eh Sly! *nudge*

quote:

Originally posted by mister ben http://www.collegesexadvice.com/ #9 Smoking Smoking during a handjob is the kind of thing you might expect from a cheap hooker with a bad attitude, but don’t be surprised if you also encounter it from a party girl wasted on too many Slippery Nipples. In any case, we can’t emphasize this enough: Cigarettes and handjobs do not mix. Guys, don’t ever let anyone holding a burning object anywhere near your crotch. Smoldering ashes in the groin, scorch marks on the dick, blazing pubes - the potential for tragedy is just too great.

I disagree. Smoke bitch....in more ways than one.


[[[smoke]]]

IIO - At the End (Scumfrog Mix)

quote:

Originally posted by smokeape I disagree. Smoke bitch....in more ways than one. [[[smoke]]] IIO - At the End (Scumfrog Mix)

Apparently, If you smoke during a handjob then you're doing it too fast.

___________________

"I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."

dorm sex advice: don't drop teh soap

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee that's what beer goggles are for!

"the goggles...zey do nothing!" - Rainier Wolfcastle