What do you say to Nath.au's mom when she has two black eyes?

Nothing. You've done told her twice already.

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quote:

Originally posted by Dirk W. People in Dallas aren't *ssholes. Just look at me, I live in Dallas.

Meat is Murder...tasty, tasty murder.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something intelligent?

The sentence starts "a man once told me...."

oh god. i dont know if ive used this one yet... ok here goes...


before you read it.. keep in mind that my best sense of humour is terribly terribly morbid...

isometimes laugh at the face of death...

anyways

i got 2 terrible morbid jokes and if your offended then im going to tell you guys ahead of time... i dont care if ur offended. there now that i got that outa the way...



what does a def, blind, cripled kid get for christmas ???






CANCER !!!!!




WELL i got another one but i gotta do a pantomime for you guys to understand it... o well ill improvise.


how does jesus christ chew his nails ??



*starts knawing at palms*

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

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quote:

Originally posted by Dirk W. People in Dallas aren't *ssholes. Just look at me, I live in Dallas.

Meat is Murder...tasty, tasty murder.

quote:

Originally posted by Lizard_boy oh god. i dont know if ive used this one yet... ok here goes... before you read it.. keep in mind that my best sense of humour is terribly terribly morbid... isometimes laugh at the face of death... anyways i got 2 terrible morbid jokes and if your offended then im going to tell you guys ahead of time... i dont care if ur offended. there now that i got that outa the way... what does a def, blind, cripled kid get for christmas ??? CANCER !!!!! WELL i got another one but i gotta do a pantomime for you guys to understand it... o well ill improvise. how does jesus christ chew his nails ?? *starts knawing at palms*

hmmmm......

If big breasted women work at hooters, where do one legged women work?

I-hop.

Subject: HAVE A LAUGH



Two weeks ago was my 31(superscript: st) birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning" let alone any "Happy Birthday".

I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember."

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning, boss.

Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said,

"No, I guess not."

She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go change." "Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.





And there I sat... on the couch... naked.

quote:

Originally posted by djjonas If big breasted women work at hooters, where do one legged women work? I-hop.

bwahahahahahahahaha

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"I think the scientific and the artistic spirit have something in common. The scientist wants not only to learn the facts, but to understand how they cohere, fit together and make a whole. He even uses criteria such as beauty and symmetry to help decide which theory he wants.

The scientist cannot capture the whole cosmos in thought. In his mind he makes a kind of microcosm, which we see as an analogue of the cosmos. In this way we try to get a feeling for the whole. The artist, I suppose, gets a feeling for the whole some other way.”

David Bohm in “Art, Dialogue and the Implicate Order”, published in On Creativity RC (Routledge Classics)

It's a Mail Carrier's last day of service before his retirement. He walks down the street, delivering mail doorstep to doorstep as he has done everyday for the last 20 years. Approaching one house, the mailman sees a note taped to the front door that simply reads, "Mailman, please come inside".

Hesitantly, the mailman enters the house. "Hello" he says, "is anyone home?" A woman appears out of a bedroom door at the end of the hall. She's a beautiful, middle aged woman dressed in a sexy black silk teddy. Without saying a word, the woman motions for the mailman to come to the bedroom. The mailman, very confused but certainly excited, follows the woman
through the door.

The woman proceeds to undress the mailman slowly, and make love to him. When the mailman is completely exhausted, the woman leads him to the kitchen, hands him a crisp one-dollar bill and begins to cook him a delicious breakfast with all the trimmings.

Still having not exchanged a single word between them, the mailman's curiosity and confusion get the best of him and he breaks the silence...

"Ma'am, I have to say, that was perhaps the best sex I've had in my entire life. And although I am eternally grateful to you for that, I must ask you...'What was that all about?"

The woman replies "Well, you've been delivering our mail everyday for some time now and I knew that today was your last day before retirement. As my husband was leaving for work this morning, I told him that I'd like to do something special for you and asked him what he thought that should be. Without hesitation, my husband said... 'Screw him! Give him a dollar.'"

The woman paused and then said...

"Breakfast was MY idea!"


Die Steve

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quote:

Originally posted by Dirk W. People in Dallas aren't *ssholes. Just look at me, I live in Dallas.

Meat is Murder...tasty, tasty murder.

Que le dijo el foco al otro foco . . .

Fuck you

___________________
"I think the scientific and the artistic spirit have something in common. The scientist wants not only to learn the facts, but to understand how they cohere, fit together and make a whole. He even uses criteria such as beauty and symmetry to help decide which theory he wants.

The scientist cannot capture the whole cosmos in thought. In his mind he makes a kind of microcosm, which we see as an analogue of the cosmos. In this way we try to get a feeling for the whole. The artist, I suppose, gets a feeling for the whole some other way.”

David Bohm in “Art, Dialogue and the Implicate Order”, published in On Creativity RC (Routledge Classics)

quote:

Originally posted by diggerz Que le dijo el foco al otro foco . . . Fuck you

And much love to you too.