Nice melody on it... I think you can make some improvements on the transitions before a new instrument comes (taking off 1 bar of 4 kicks for example or adding a white noise as well).

Breakdown is a bit empty, you can add a good dark pad to fill it up

PS: Added you on myspace....

Cheers,

- Tinto

thank soo much for your post, i am look, what i make at next, maybee someone can make a remix