I just watched that "America Undercover - Small Town Ecstacy" on HBO, and it got me thinking.

I don't take E or shit like that. I smoke weed on occasion (once, twice a month tops) and I only drink occasionally too (couple times a month, and almost never vomiting or sloppy).

And I realized how fucked up these people were emotionally, incredible mood swings, stuff like that.

And I started thinking about the last time I cried.

I can't remember when it was, or what it was about. Is that fucked up? I'm almost 18, so I haven't experienced that much, but I feel emotionally shallow (I don't know if that's the right term for it.)

When was the last time you cried, and what was it about?

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Trance...a state of mind.

the last time i really cried?

hmm. not that long ago. It was February 24th in the afternoon.

I remember the date exactly, since that was the last Marathon I ran, which was also the reason i cried..

I guess now i have to tell the whole story, huh?

Ok, the Marathon was in Hong Kong (I have only been there once, but for 9 weeks ) and a bunch of my friends from college (we went with like 20 people.. different story) as well as my girlfriend had promised to be at the finish line, when i arrived, as i was aware that i would not want to try and get home by myself. Which makes a lot of sense, if you ever ran a marathon in a foreign city.

anyhow, so my Marathon was very early in the morning (7am start) so that I have to leave my hotel at 6 am, just after my roommate had returned.. I estimated that -best case- I would take 3 hours 45 mins to finish, so I told my friends not to be there any earlier than 10:45am, since I would certainly not finish any earlier than that...

I ran the marathon in my personal best time (knocking off 13 mins from the time last Fall) of 3:27!!! (that is WIKKED fast) being on 'I cannot wait to see my GF at the finish line' doping -I seriously thought this while running..

obviously, no-one was there when i finished, heck i was runner number 208 or something to arrive!! and I went to strech first, grab food/water while waiting for another quater hour to see where my friends would be at..

around 11 am, I was still unable to find my friends and decided to call my roommate (I was stupid enough not to bring my cell phone, but i was afraid it'd get stolen) to figure out who was coming etc...

long story: EVERYBODY had ditched me, with one person being one his way (he came ~ 1 hour late from the time they were supposed to be there) and he only came, since he had promised to bring some stuff for me to the finish line..

I went to bed at like 1 pm-ish still tripping on endophines (when you are in pain, you body releases this) and the fact that i had just TOTALLY OWNED.. people who do not run for passion cannot understand this, but if you do, you surely know what i am talking about..

at 3 pm I woke up, being more depressed than EVER before in my life, since I found out that my GF was still asleep at like noon, when i had called her... plus i came to realize that ALL my friends had 'better' stuff to do than to pick me up, though for me running is one of the -if not the- most important things in life...

my friend, i think i never really cried before that day.. at least i have never felt that deeply wounded ever before..

something that came to my mind later that afternoon -my GF had never bother to even call me to ask how i did- were the lyrics from a Metallica song (King Nothing) "...the higher you are the farther you fall..." which I must say is really true.. i had never been that high -apart from the first marathon i had ever finished- and i have never fallen that deeply in a single day.. i was not just down on the ground, but miles below it that afternooon...


my long -prolly very unintersting- story... i am pretty sure that i will not forget that afternoon for a looong time.

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I see your 4 Crushs and raise you 3 As The Rush Comes. - Yan from PvD's first summerstage event in '03

No bro, that was really interesting.

Sad too.

But you helped me remember the last time I cried.

It was about 2 or 3 months ago.

I started at point guard for our varsity basketball team, and we were in the semifinals of CCS, and we ended up losing to the team who went all the way.

But we were up 10 at half, and I was pumped up, and excited. We had to drive over 90 minutes each way to play too.

Then we slowly unraveled, and the game was tied with 2 minutes to go. The coach totally fucking forgot to put me back in (and told me the next day he was sorry he didn't) and we ended up losing in the last 30 seconds cause of some penalty shots (7 plus fouls).

Once we lost, I just totally realized, I will never play basketball again. This is the last organized game of my life. And I thought about playing on the team for the last 4 years, and playing through middle school, and before that.

And I just hugged a really good friend of mine (my backup, one of my best friends, who was playing instead of me), and I just cried for about 30 seconds. Then, stopped. It was a fucked up moment. I felt totally defenseless.

On the bus ride back, I listened to a trance CD, and it put me in a calm mood, and I thought about other things. Girls, College, Life, my future. But I will never forget that feeling when the buzzer went off to end the game. It felt like I got sucker punched in the stomach.

Thanks alot for your story Drizz, I had totally blocked out that memory untill I heard your story, and as someone who is very competitive, I understand where you are coming from.

Are you and your girlfriend still together?

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Trance...a state of mind.

quote:

Originally posted by Devbert Thanks alot for your story Drizz, I had totally blocked out that memory untill I heard your story, and as someone who is very competitive, I understand where you are coming from. Are you and your girlfriend still together?

wow, your story is much more aweful than mine.. ~3 years ago i couldn't run for the life of me. running has become my passion in the spring of 2000..

anyhow, i think i can relate how it would feel, if someday, i'd be done running and then would realize that i could never run again.. man.. You cannot play in college? Intramurals, or was this a college game (CCS doesn't ring a bell for me, but i am not a sport-watching person)


anyhow, yes, i think i am still together with my GF.. but the 20K miles distance between us does not really help our relationship -duh- plus some other stuff has come up, i'd rather not talk about..

she did apologize that night (to a friend of mine, since her english is not all that good and he can talk chinese), but i am still 'mad' at her. Maybe rather disappointed than mad. Some stuff just makes you loose faith in your friends.. kinda a harsh blow for me..

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I see your 4 Crushs and raise you 3 As The Rush Comes. - Yan from PvD's first summerstage event in '03

its so hard having a long distance relationship. I had my worst experience ever, last year... She broke up coz she couldnt handle this kind of relationship...

oh...this is one of the longest stories of my life... I could write a book about it

anyways, for about a few months, I was crying almost everyday...

It makes me feel bad when I remember those days

Your story is pretty sad too dude.

CCS is like playoff for High School. We'd gone so far, and if we went to the finals (I.E. if we won that game) we were guaranteed a birth in the state tournament.

But it's my senior year, so there is nothing after that.

I will probably play recreationally, maybe an inturmural in college, but when you play ball, you always kind of have that dream that maybe you can take it to the next level. And right then and there I realized it was just a dream, and a small part of me died I think.

That's rough dude, how can you have a girfriend who lives 20 thousand miles away and you can barely have a conversation with?

Relationships are fucked up like that though. She probably had no clue how much it meant to you, and what it feels like when you achieve something like that (a 3:27:00 marathon run), and have no one there to hug you, and tell congratulate you on what you achieved.

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Trance...a state of mind.

quote:

Originally posted by Devbert Your story is pretty sad too dude. CCS is like playoff for High School. We'd gone so far, and if we went to the finals (I.E. if we won that game) we were guaranteed a birth in the state tournament. But it's my senior year, so there is nothing after that. [\quote] now i understand [quote] I will probably play recreationally, maybe an inturmural in college, but when you play ball, you always kind of have that dream that maybe you can take it to the next level. And right then and there I realized it was just a dream, and a small part of me died I think.

yes, I see, and i know that there is a huge difference between intermural and varsity.. i am really sorry for you.. BUT you should not think about any 'what if's' since I am sure that you can say "I played the best gosh-darn game of Basketball I could and I did well"! See it from that side, your last game, you gave everything and you guys were tied till the end, weren't you!

quote:

That's rough dude, how can you have a girfriend who lives 20 thousand miles away and you can barely have a conversation with? Relationships are fucked up like that though. She probably had no clue how much it meant to you, and what it feels like when you achieve something like that (a 3:27:00 marathon run), and have no one there to hug you, and tell congratulate you on what you achieved.

yeah i know, some of my friends from back home (I know a bunch of these people for more than 17 years now) did not realize how much my first Marathon meant to me and no-one showed up.. i kinda bitched at them a lot and next time around they showed up... i was very glad about that

well, her english is not really bad, but the situation was kinda awkward and she prefered to express her feeling in chinese instead. But talking to her only once a week or so, is really getting to me as well...

then, when i see her via netmeeting or something.. it is all different again.. very weird

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I see your 4 Crushs and raise you 3 As The Rush Comes. - Yan from PvD's first summerstage event in '03

Thanks for trying to cheer me up. I did play a good game, but it's impossible to get past those what-if's.

I can't handle girlfriends like that, which is why I almost never have them. I hate talking on the phone and stuff like that. I have to be there, with that person, face to face. Otherwise, it seems so contrived, so cold.

I only call girls to ask them where we are meeting, etc.

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Trance...a state of mind.

quote:

Originally posted by Devbert Thanks for trying to cheer me up. I did play a good game, but it's impossible to get past those what-if's.

i know, trust me, i know..
after my 'miserable' second marathon (3:40, target was 3:30), I was constantly asking myself.. what-if it did not rain.. what-if, i had hurried my brother along a little more...
what-if I had started drinking earlier etc... in the end, i am now very happy to have run the time i did. I did well, i arrived and that is what counts.

quote:

I can't handle girlfriends like that, which is why I almost never have them. I hate talking on the phone and stuff like that. I have to be there, with that person, face to face. Otherwise, it seems so contrived, so cold. I only call girls to ask them where we are meeting, etc.

ask me again in a couple of months if i can.. right now, i cannot give a clear answer to that

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I see your 4 Crushs and raise you 3 As The Rush Comes. - Yan from PvD's first summerstage event in '03

last time I cried was last summer while reading Echos of the Great Song by David Gemmell :



this book completely captivated me, I read it in about 2 days (my left ankle was in a cast after tearing 2 ligaments in it playing pick-up ball).


towards the end of the book,this cold and methodical invading race comes out of nowhere and tries to take over the defending higher race of Avatars. They work out an agreement with the Avatrs that civilians are not to be touched. The invading race uses this as a ploy and blasts the hell out of a sanctuary where the Avatar's wives and children were being held in safety.

General Rael's wife and close companion dies and gets buried by the ensuing rubble. After digging her out, Rael holds her in his arms and is so devastated that he can't even cry, he just shakes back and forth. the Avatar race has just lost their family and everything they live for, to defend their land and the remaining slave races inhabiting it they give up their lives and go on an insane Kamikaze horse charge into the centre of the invading army's station and wipe out their main arsenal, and every Avatar and character you've grown attached to dies in a graphic battle.

the only survivor is Viruk, an "insane" mass murderer who is blessed by the "Source" for his ferocity. he's probably my favourtie character in the book, his wit was unmatched and he made me laugh through out the book. when he survived at the end it was like I had just won something... this book really plays with your emotions.

heh, i know that's a bit long for a book, but it's the only piece of media i can remember ever making me cry, the book is just amazing. I'm going to buy the hardback of it soon, thinking about it brings back some sweet nostalgia.

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Last edited by Damo on Apr-29-2002 at 08:44

quote:

Originally posted by Damo heh, i know that's a bit long for a book, but it's the only piece of media i can remember ever making me cry, the book is just amazing. I'm going to buy the hardback of it soon, thinking about it brings back some sweet nostalgia.

i get that with books a lot of times too, but i think of it differently than of stuff i experiecned myself

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I see your 4 Crushs and raise you 3 As The Rush Comes. - Yan from PvD's first summerstage event in '03

that's the thing with me tho, i don't get affected that much by everday stuff, i find it irrelevant.

i guess it has to do with the time i was reading the book at.....being down because my entire summer was shot due to turning my ankle over so far that i felt my shin bone hit the floor where my foot was supposed to be. the book was like a breath of fresh air, life is really boring when you're immobile. nothing to do but go on a comp (it was a shitty old one too), watch some tv and read. the only fun i had that summer was going out on the street at 3-4 am by myself on a nightly basis and getting drunk and smoking cigs while laying back and looking at the stars. that summer really put a lot of things into perspective for me, and that book stands out in my memory. sweet nostalgia. i get that with songs too.

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