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Is my friend being a *******?
So about 12 months ago, my friend met a guy, I think through Uni. He's incredibly dorky, no fashion sense, no confidence, weak social skills, and bears an incredibly unnerving resemblance to Napolean Dynamite (this has been commented on by many people upon encountering him, seriously it's creepy). Beyond this, he's also unaware/in complete denial of his state.
Anyway she befriends this dude and starts spending time with him, I'm not sure what went on because I only met him once or twice, but she said he was incredibly intelligent and she enjoyed her conversations with him. At first anyway. Eventually I think she starts to find his extreme geekiness/social ineptness makes her kind of uncomfortable being around him, and as he starts to fall for her, she starts trying to distance herself from him, mainly from just not initiating contact and avoiding meeting up with him with whatever excuse is conveniant. Fine, you'd think he'd take the hint. Except he doesn't. It's been 6 months or so since she stopped initiating contact, and he still calls every couple weeks.
At first, I thought it was a little harsh for her to befriend the kid, then just cut him off, but I guess sometimes you get to know people, and they aren't who you think they are. With almost any other guy, they'd get the point and move on, no real harm done. Except he keeps clinging on and trying to reinitiate contact with her. She refuses to just cut him off and say she doesn't want to have anything more to do with him, because she says she'd feel bad, so she just continually holds him at arms length, ending phone calls early, refusing to meet up with him, but never flat out saying that she doesn't want to know him anymore.
And personally, I feel kind of terrible for the guy. I mean sure, as she says, he should take the hint, but he obviously can't, and I can't help but feel bad for how she's leading him on, never saying yes, but always stopping just short of saying no, poor kid must feel terrible about the situation. I tell her she's being really rude to him and no doubt putting him through no small amount of emotional turmoil, and that guys aren't always the best at picking up on those insinuations women love to string through social interation, especially not guys as socially inept as this one, but she just insists 'he should take the hint,' and refuses to face up to the situation and cut him off because she says she'll 'feel bad.'
My mindset is that she's being far crueler by stringing him on than she would by just ending it. Sure it'd hurt him at first, but eventually you'd hope he'd move on, whereas this just drags it out.
So, thoughts? Is it his fault for not picking up on her hints, and does that give her to right to just lead him on because she doesn't want to face the moment where she has to tell him to stop calling? Or is she being rude and selfish by refusing to face temporary awkwardness/guilt so she can just cut him off and let him move on?
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