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Jokes part 21 (also Johnny)
The pastor was talking to a group of young children
about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his
talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" Suzy cried out.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the
preacher.
"Dead!" yelled Little Johnny.
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A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine
restaurant one night waiting for her date. She wanted
to make sure everything was perfect.
So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror
from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly
just as the waiter walks up.
Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced,
knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the
waiter and demands "Stop That!".
The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady,
which way is it headed?"
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A young lad was out with his dad in the park when he
spotted a woman about to breastfeed her baby. She
unbuttoned her blouse, rolled out a very large breast
and popped the rosy nipple into the child's mouth.
"Dad! What's that woman doing to that baby?" the lad
asked.
"Relax, mate. She's just feeding him," the father
replied.
"Get outta here!" the boy, exclaimed. "There's no way
he'll eat all of that!"
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A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her
students that she wanted each of them to have learned
one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn what he
or she had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the
temple."
Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he
doesn't know how to drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn
that, Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were
driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck
pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at
him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"
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Seems God was just about done with creating the universe
but he had two extra things left over in his bag so he
decided to split them between Adam and Eve.
He told them that one of the things he had left was a
thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing
up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was
wondering if either one of you would like that."Well,
Adam jumped up and down and begged "Oh, give that to me!
I'd love to be able to do that. It seems just the sort
of thing a man should be able to do.
Please. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me." On and on he
went like an excited little boy. Eve just smiled and
told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he
should have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed
him to pee while standing up and he was so excited. He
whizzed on the bark of a tree and then went off to write
his name in the sand, laughing with delight all the
while.
God and Eve watched him for a moment and then God said
to Eve, "Well, here's the other thing and I guess you
can have it." "What's it called?" Eve asked.
"Multiple Orgasms" God said
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