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Few Jokes
A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter, "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress", she says.
"Come again?", says the shopkeeper, cupping his ear.
"No", she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise"
A blonde girl enters a sex shop and asks for a vibrator. The man behind the counter says, "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says, "I'll take the red one"
The man replies, "That's a fire extinguisher."
A blonde girl calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me, I have a difficult jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What's it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The girl says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzles spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "Let's have a cup of coffee, then you can put all these Frosties back in the box."
A blonde girl was involved in a serious crash, there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic, "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Girl "Ok"
Medic, "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"
Girl, "Oh my god! I'm paralyzed from the waist down"
Two blondes are out walking in the woods one day when they come across some tracks. The first blonde says, "Look bear tracks!"
"No", says the second, "they're fox tracks".
While they stand arguing they both get hit by a train.
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off!
What do a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose!
A man says to his wife, "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She says, "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and watch TV!"
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
You can empty your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later!
What's grey, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A kidney dialysis machine!
What do George Michael and Wellington Boots have in common?
They both get sucked off in bogs!
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