The essay idea was better.

The essay it is then. 1000 words on why Notre Dame is the finest educational institution in all of the land, and why intelligence and strategy trump blackness 1/10 times.

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quote:

Originally posted by OrangestO This isn't about physics, this is about waves.

So I'm having a minor crisis of conscience or whatever-
A gay friend of my girlfriends is visiting her for about a week as of Thursday - she just sprang this on me today - and he'll be staying in her room, sharing her bed with her.
I don't really like the idea of any guy, straight or gay, in my gfs bed, seeing her undress before bed/in the morning, etc etc etc.
In fact I think it fucking sucks.

Is this unreasonable?
What do?

Respect her wishes for her own personal boundaries. You don't have to like it, but you need to accept that it's what she is comfortable with; If you are fundamentally uncomfortable with her decisions, she is perhaps not the type of woman for you, and you should question your relationship with her further; chiefly by confronting her with your concerns, yourself.

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There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

I'm straight and I wouldn't sleep in bed with any of my gf's unless there really was no other options... I don't think you're being unreasonable? But if she thinks it is fine I agree with Hal, you may want to decide if you guys really are on the same page?

There's no way I'm letting another guy sleep in the same bed as my girl.

You better get in that bed instead and tell that mofo to sleep on the floor next to you.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Respect her wishes for her own personal boundaries. You don't have to like it, but you need to accept that it's what she is comfortable with; If you are fundamentally uncomfortable with her decisions, she is perhaps not the type of woman for you, and you should question your relationship with her further; chiefly by confronting her with your concerns, yourself.

in re: 'confronting her with your concerns' --- i suggested that i was somewhat torn on that and that's why i wanted some advice from you guys.

i like your response tho in that you took a pretty hard line on it (being the dutiful married man that you are) and there's certainly a good deal of insight therein.

i wouldn't really say that i'm 'fundamentally uncomfortable with her decisions' - this is the first instance of something like this where i'm essentially 'wtf??' / taken aback by it.

wiener - it's a gay guy, not girl. And regarding other options - she made it seem like there were a few other friends places he could have stayed at.

obviously i just don't like it. i don't like being in this sort of situation because it makes me hate myself - but i don't think it's the situation i would ever put someone in so it also makes me somewhat mad

quote:

Originally posted by OrangestO There's no way I'm letting another guy sleep in the same bed as my girl. You better get in that bed instead and tell that mofo to sleep on the floor next to you.

lol and this is the hard line answer from the other side.
i fucking love it.

i'm erring more towards hal's approach, but i do agree with you in that there's no way i'm letting another guy sleep in the same bed as my girl...that pretty much how i feel.
but i also feel steamrolled because, since it's already decided, i either have to just deal with it and be sad, get into a fight and be really upset and then sad, or tell her to change it and then i look like an ass hole. i feel like i've already lost

quote:

Originally posted by LAdazeNYnights in re: 'confronting her with your concerns' --- i suggested that i was somewhat torn on that and that's why i wanted some advice from you guys. i like your response tho in that you took a pretty hard line on it (being the dutiful married man that you are) and there's certainly a good deal of insight therein. i wouldn't really say that i'm 'fundamentally uncomfortable with her decisions' - this is the first instance of something like this where i'm essentially 'wtf??' / taken aback by it. wiener - it's a gay guy, not girl. And regarding other options - she made it seem like there were a few other friends places he could have stayed at. obviously i just don't like it. i don't like being in this sort of situation because it makes me hate myself - but i don't think it's the situation i would ever put someone in so it also makes me somewhat mad

Lol I know it's a guy... That's my point. Lol. He can't sleep on a couch? I have an inflatable mattress I pull out if people stay?

quote:

Originally posted by wienerschnitzel Lol I know it's a guy... That's my point. Lol. He can't sleep on a couch? I have an inflatable mattress I pull out if people stay?

Somebody is temporarily living in their living room
mehh

Do you know if she would be okay with you sharing your bed with a lesbian friend for a week?

First you need to know if the same rules apply to both of you. If she's cool with you sleeping next to an actual lesbian, then it may show you've got different mindsets. If, however, she believes she's entitled to do whatever she wants, yet you can't pretend lesbians are just like blokes (including the pointless awkwardness when you get naked in front of one), then that should raise a red flag.

Edit: And in the latter case, you definitely don't lose. Specially if you ditch her and get a fake lesbian.

quote:

Originally posted by LAdazeNYnights lol and this is the hard line answer from the other side. i fucking love it. i'm erring more towards hal's approach, but i do agree with you in that there's no way i'm letting another guy sleep in the same bed as my girl...that pretty much how i feel. but i also feel steamrolled because, since it's already decided, i either have to just deal with it and be sad, get into a fight and be really upset and then sad, or tell her to change it and then i look like an ass hole. i feel like i've already lost

If it was decided between the two of them without your feelings being taken into account then that's bullshit to begin with. Just because you're the guy doesn't mean you don't have feelings that should be seriously considered, especially when it involves something like this.

Either she likes/loves (not sure what stage of the relationship you're in) you enough to compromise or she doesn't. Letting it bother you and ignoring it is the worst thing you can do, though. Putting it on the table will not only make you feel better internally, but it will also test your relationship and let you know where you stand with her.