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People of the Phillipines,
Soon I shall be your mod. Therefore repent of your ways and do not speak injurious things against me and do not revile my followers anymore. For soon I will come to you in all my vainglory and you will ask of me, "Lord Palivar, save us from the spammers and lamers and goat slayers and Honduran cheese rapers, for they are trying to overtake us and even molest us like they do to the intellectuals and wise monkey men from AOL!" but in response I will say to you, "Get away from me, you beasty fools; for when I was but a space cadet, you rebuked me and gave me no food when I went hungry; I was thirsty and you gave me no lemonade; I was horny and you gave me no free Internet porn passwords; I was being chased by midget she-men from the AOL Mongoloid Society but you did not defend me." Therefore I say to you now, repent, and pray to Swamper, the one who will judge you all.
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