Snare roll is too loud.

I think there's too much bass. Maybe have a sub bass that still makes the track thicker, and a bassline with quite a bit less bass thats punchy so the notes stand out more. Just a suggestion.

Percussion is decent once it gets going later on in the track, although the kick is drowned out by the bass. You have to leave space in the mix for the kick unless you EQ the kick to suit it, which I don't think you've done.

IMO this track doesn't need to be 10 minutes, probably around 6-7 mins would be fine.

One last thing, there didn't seem to be a release that stood out. What I mean is it built up and kicked in a few points in the track, but when i was expecting the main one where everything comes together it just carried on in the same way as the others.

My advice is just concentrate on the intro, then the breakdown, then the melody with build-ups then a build up to the release where it all comes together and all the energy is released. Then the outro.

Try and incorporate tension and suspense a bit more in the build up to the main release. And make that release stand out as the main one.

Hope this helps, and keep up the good work.

Thank you very much for your suggestions. I will incorporate these elements, and work on my Intro, and mixing.

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Tracks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoJ-cL2G_qY

no problem