This has some good energy, but:

(1) You kind of kill it by cutting the kick out at what seem like unnecessary times.

(2) The mixdown as a whole suffers from muddiness, especially in the mid-range of the spectrum. I can't tell clearly what's going on.

(3) I think the track may have too much bass, or the bass may be too indistinct.

(4) It definitely feels like you're missing some highs as well, more than the mp3 format itself cuts out.

(5) The highs sound kind of "out of time" with one another because of the delay (is that what it is?) that you have on them.

If you clear those things up the individual instruments will sound more distinct from one another, which means they'll catch a listener's attention better as they come in and out and change over time.

hi MrJiveBoJingles, thanks for the detailed observations.
um heres version 2 i kind of restored the hi freq settings. thats bout it. about the bass hmm oh well, i just thought it could support the drive but if its too much i could reduce it 8)

[version_2]
[[ LINK REMOVED ]]

You got the energy! Nice melody too but I think you could work it out more and make it clearer. Like the break, just a bit short. Keep working!


Merry Christmas!

Akia