http://tmz.vo.llnwd.net/o28/newsdes...22411_sheen.mp3


Charlie Sheen just launched a nuclear attack on live radio ... slamming "Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre -- calling him a turd -- and went on to call Thomas Jefferson a "p***y."



Sheen unloaded while calling in to "The Alex Jones Show" and claimed he is 100% clean, saying, "Here's your first pee test, next one goes in your mouth. No, you won't get high."

During his rant Sheen compared himself to the Marlon Brando character in "Apocalypse Now" -- and hit just about everything and everyone:

-- He calls Lorre "a turd" and "a clown" and says his real name is "Hymie Levine."

-- Referring to his rehab stint, Sheen claims to have embarrassed Lorre "in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that his un-evolved mind cannot process."

-- On Alcoholics Anonymous ... Sheen says it's a "bootleg cult" with a success rate of only 5%, while his is 100% and added, "Newsflash .. I am special and I will never be one of you."

-- After one rant the host, Alex Jones, tells Charlie he sounds like Thomas Jefferson. Charlie's response, "I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a p***y! But I dare anyone to debate me on things."

-- On his drug and alcohol issues, "I have a disease? Bulls**t! I cured it ... with my mind."

Yesterday Charlie flew to an island near the Bahamas with ex-wife Brooke Mueller, Bree Olson, and Natalie Kenly. In the the interview Charlie says Brooke has bailed out ... saying, "Where there were 4 there are now 3. Goodbye Brooke. Good luck in your travels, you're going to need it. Badly."

There's more ... much more -- including sometime incomprehensible riffs about trolls, tattoos, F-18 fighter pilots, and Vatican assassins.

For what it's worth ... Charlie also said he's ready to get back to work