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Jokes part 96
Suzy, age 9, and Little Johnny, age 10, are sitting on the front porch swing. Little Johnny says to Suzy, "Screw you, Suzy."
A minute goes by and Suzy replies, "Screw YOU, Little Johnny."
A moment or two and Little Johnny says, "Screw YOU, Suzy."
In response, "Screw *YOU*, Little Johnny," Suzy says.
After about ten minutes of this, Suzy's mom comes out on the porch and says, "What on earth are you kids doing?"
They reply in unison, "We're having oral sex!"
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A study in Scotland showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is post-menstrual she may be attracted to plain facial features.
When pre-menstrual she can be attracted to more feminine features in a man.
If she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a pair of scissors shoved in his temple.
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An old man was having an on-going affair with a widow. They had a standing date to meet once a month for a nite of passion.
After their April tryst, he said to her, "See ya in May."
She sighed and replied, "Is sex all you ever think about ?"
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A female police officer pulled over a man for DUI; and said, "You are under arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you."
The drunk appeared to be thinking for a moment. He then slowly announced, "Tits." 
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Doctor, I'm having that dream again." the patient said.
"Oh?" The shrink replies. "Which one?"
... "The one where I'm into sadism, necrophilia, and beastiality. Should I be worried or am I beating a dead horse?"
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A door-to-door salesmen knocks on a neighborhood door. A little boy answers the door and the salesman says, " Hi little fellow, is your mother home ?"
"Yes said the lad, she's out in the backyard screwing our goat."
" No," says the salesman, " I don't belive you."
The boy says, " Come see for yourself."
So the salesman takes a look in the backyard, and sure enough, there was the mom bent over with a large goat screwing her from behind.
The salesman said to the boy, "isn't your mom afraid she'll get = pregnant?"
The boy says, " N-a-a-a-a-a-"
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Little Johnny was taking confession, and he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked.
The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."
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At a press conference today, Tipper Gore announced that she's going back
on the campaign trail even though her husband, former Vice President Al Gore, is not running for office.
"To prepare myself," she said, "I have shaved off all of my pubic hair.
From now until the election, I shall sit on the stage with any candidate who needs my help. And I may occasionally flash the audience. This will send a very strong message to America."
"What is that message?" asked astonished reporters at this rather startling announcement.
Tipper replied: "Read my lips... no more Bush."
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A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping centre. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time."
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Keep em coming JP !
