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Oh for f*cks sake......cigarette smokers/addicts, read if bored......
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| SportTrance |
Yep, sport trance with another "book" for you to read......
anyone who cares less about addiction or habits, probably will not be interested. But if you are a real smoker, and are/or was a slave to some form of some addictve substance at one point, u might find this interesting.......
lets begin.....
So i've been smoking for 7 years........past two years have been a pack and a half to two packs a day.......
My throat was kind of aching oddly last week, so I naturally, as a smoker got a little concerned. Called the doc, set up an appointment, went last friday. Fortunately, nothing was wrong, but my throat was severely irritated. Ofcourse, this wasnt just from smoking, anyone who has acid reflux disease knows that this is very common. But they also know (like i always have), that smoking cigarettes is possibly one of the worst things to do if you have it. (ofcourse, its just plain bad anyways).
To be quite honest, I was very nervous, and very anxious at the doc. I've known him and his nurse since I was a kid, and really do trust them. However, I was just plain, really nervous. For the obvious reasons. No smoker likes to feel serious chest pain, or rather abnormal throat pain.
Anyway, so after some miserable tests and gagging everything came clear, except ofcourse that my throat was extremely irritated. I was still scared outta my head some, especially when I then realized, I truly do, for the first REAL time, have to quit smoking.
I've attempted to quit in the past (not long ago actually, about 5 months ago), just for "good health" reasons, and well, as an addict (yeah i admit), it was subconsciously written in the back of my head, that I probably would start again, and that if I did, then well, I did. I went for 5 total days without a smoke, then eventually, I snapped, got tired of the BS, and broke :(
However, this time, is really, really, different. This time, I have an absolutely reason to quit. I have visual evidence that it isn't doing me any good what so ever, and definitely won't if I continue. On my last attempt, I didn't have this. It wasn't a quarter as difficult as it is now, because like I said. the last time, subconsciously, I knew I was probably going back, and it was just my "first attempt".
Now its quite simply like this. I have to. I can't explain it, but I do know, I have to. Unfortunately, I do not want to, at, all. Health reasons yes, but naturally as a human, I miss it terribly, and probably always will. I am going on day 5 of being smoke free, haven't smoked since i left the doctors office. (except for tonight, where I cracked (didnt break), and lit up on the way home). I needed a reminder of why I was quitting, and ofcourse after 5 days of no smoking at all, a cigarette isn't a quarter as good as usual, mentally and physically.
So here I am. The nights have been the toughest. I can honestly say I can relate to the misery of rehab. (I admit, I am/was a completely dependant chain smoker). It isn't so difficult during the day, but it is, during the night, when i'm sitting at my computer, listening to my music, and chatting/browsing boards.
For those that don't smoke, or don't smoke too much, i'll explain the world of cigarettes a bit. It is MORE than the nicotine thats addictive. I don't mean the 1000 extra crap chemicals they throw in either. Its a giant issue psychologicaly. Its something you look forward to, something that really helps you relax. something that keeps you busy, something that helps you think, something that even almost entertains you, and so so so much more. Some people can smoke for 4 years, and drop it like a hat. Then, there are the others, like me, who have a "bit" more trouble.
Unfortunately since highschool, i've relied and depended on cigarettes, and that was many years ago. We all had our tough times, and quite honestly, I can say cigarettes was one of those things that did help me through. I always love, during times of stress, to go outside, sit down/walk around, light up a smoke, evaluate the issue, relax, and come back in. I always loved sneaking out of class/lunch, to get my beautiful 10 minutes, of no teachers, no work, and just sitting down in my car, with a friend, talking, and enjoying a simple smoke. It was almost if I came into class, ready to go again. (ofcourse I was fiening all the classes before). But oh how good those smokes were. And for those long nights at clubs, i'd have, standing at the bar, with a beautiful buzz off vodka ;), and a nice smoke to top off the cake. Instead of coke/crack, heroin, weed, and all those other drugs that almost every curious kid falls into, I fell into cigarettes. Don't let me forget to mention, I make a living with computers, and well, if theres anywhere you will see me smoking, its AT THE COMPUTER.
Here I am, 5 days, no smoke, and quite honestly, I feel lost. Its literally as if, a companion, is gone. Like something is seriously missing. Though my cravings arent a quarter as strong as they first were, I know my craving mentally, will be there for months to come. Its the mental cravings, that are THE WORST. As I like to say, 95% of smoking, is mental. Any REAL smoker knows this. The fact that I just moved into a totally new place, and that one of my pets ran away, isn't helping much either......yeah sounds ridiculous, but if u love youre pet, youd be upset too.
Anxiety, nerves, stress, pressure, worriedness, dizzy, confused, lost, just to name a few of the emotions. All over one in thing. Its incredible how far and bad its built up. I've been taking nicotine lozenges, which have helped tremendously, but lets face it, they arent cigarettes. The patch works great as well, however, like it says, it will cause lucid dreams, and problems with sleeping. I found out first hand.
This, just, plain, doesn't, feel, like, me. I GREW up with smoking, and now, its gone.
Ahh how pathetic this all must look to a non-smoker, or non-addict of anything. I can understand it, 100%. It is pathetic, it is ridiculous, but it is also, a real drug. As I said, more mentally than physically. I can beat the in cravings, but its the battle of the mind that eats ya up. The physical and mental both work together, to create "balance". Most people that have quit smoking, honestly can say, it wasnt THIS difficult, but there are a quite a huge number of former addicts out there, that can say it is/was. Great to know i'm not completely nuts.
One thing that made me laugh the other night in a chat room, was someone stated "i'd quit smoking if i got a warranty that I wouldnt get hit by a truck tomorrow". Oh how true that is I must say. That, is thinking like a true addict. There IS NO guarantee that an addict will die of smoking, ofcourse, it increases the chances in half, but then again, there is no guarantee. It does not help us young cigarette smokers to see 70 year olds walking around in decent health and still alive, who have been smoking their ENTIRE life. Ofcourse, there are the obvious negatives and side effects to smoking, hard to breathe, just plain unhealthy, etc.etc.... I unfortunately have seen first hand, enough evidence, to prove, that, you can go, anytime, no matter how healthy you are, etc.etc.etc....... there, now im speaking like an addict, but unfortunately, that is the truth, most non-smokers hate to hear. Remember non-smokers, people smoke, because they like it, (or love it). If health wasn't an issue, believe me, 50% of the world would follow, if they already havent. Sickening really.
Anyway, so i'm completely beginning to ramble, but about 20 minutes ago, I was walking outside, and thinking of having a second smoke. Its that second smoke, that kills all that power youve built up over the last few days of being smoke free, its that second smoke, that usually breaks you. I dont know why but I went on TA, opened a thread, and decided to go ahead and post this.
This is more of a venting post, than anything. Honestly, im not looking for advice on how to quit, believe me, I do know how, its just a matter of be bitching and complaining while i'm doing it. Eitherway, I appreciate it if you did read it, i'm sure it kept ya busy for about 5 minutes with quality reading material (thumbs up, big smile).
At this point I honestly cannot tell you if I can go on forever without smoking again, its a very hard concept to see, but we'll just have to see how things work out. I'm sure/hope once i'm out of this depressive mode of mental and physical withdrawals, i'll be seeing a new light. Time will tell. |
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| Magimaster |
hey man, I respect that alot.
I've never smoked cigs, probably never will (marijuana doesn't count, and then I've only done it twice) but my dad was a ing horrible chain smoker when I was a kid. I forget what made my dad quit, but I know it was pretty hard for him.
Good luck in your battle, and I hope you find your pet. :)
PS. If it helps any bit, my Grandpa is like 80+ years old, smokes like a bitch and still takes bus/skytrain to work sometimes! |
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| emono |
been smoking since 10, man
[seriously since 13]
and i support your decision,
and i support you
what you did, though
taking the time to write that [distract yoursef]
that's a good idea
continue to do that,
or even get some external motivation
just for extra support ;)
it was actually external factors...external enforced motivation that helped me quit during periods of time
i.e. my parents, moving, distractions
im visiting them right now...
it's like a fuking rehab center :rolleyes:
good luck, man
'Not a time to quit smoking kids, hahaha But I ing did it. And yes, I miss' em. It is hard to quit smoking. Everyone of them looks real good to me right now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus, and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's right now' - bill hicks
on non-smokers, seehere
hope you make it :) |
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| twizta |
| quote: | Originally posted by emono
i.e. my parents, moving, distractions
im visiting them right now...
it's like a fuking rehab center :rolleyes:
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ya still smoke over there in mexico dude?
..i am in love with these dj mix ciggs.buaha |
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| twizta |
| oh..and good luck quitting..i know its hard..but very well worth it |
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| Swamper |
We are habitual creatures...breaking the habit voluntarily goes against "doing what you want to do" but sometimes you need the short term pain for the long term gain
(I didn't mean for that to rhyme) |
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| DJ El Kay Dee |
well ive been smoking for 6 years now...thank goodness i havent reached the pack and a half a day...thankfully its cos of money constraints...
im trying to slowly reduce the number of cigarettes a day and eventually quit...however summer is not the best time to do so..
the only reason why i still smoke is cos when u reach the chain stage, ur metabolism is affected cos ur brain stops producing nicotine and u need that external source...i have to train my brain to start producing it again but it will only be eventually and no way cold turey |
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| butterfly |
i can relate. the first few times i tried to quite i knew it was moer a temporary leave of absence. then i quite for real and i knew that cigarettes will own a part of me for the rest of my life. it is sad, really, that i have given up control.
but oh, the nicotine... god i miss it.
i want a cig. :( |
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| LiquidX |
| - My uncle had the same problem with the throat pain. His experience was so bad because first the ing doctors said it was AIDS. Imagine how bad my uncle felt, then they said it was like cancer or some . But no, it was the disease. Anyways, my uncle stills smokes today, but, he says he's progressing, since he claims he smokes ONLY 5 a day. Mmm I still find it odd that he says that like its soem big accomplishment. |
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| PeacefulWarrior |
SportTrance, I relate with what you're saying. Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things to do, especially when there are so many associations that we form with cigarattes and smoking. For me it has to be having a smoke before I go to work or class in the morning. Anyway, best of luck.
-dave |
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| sash |
| quote: | Originally posted by Swamper
We are habitual creatures...breaking the habit voluntarily goes against "doing what you want to do" but sometimes you need the short term pain for the long term gain
(I didn't mean for that to rhyme) |
you're a poet and you didn't even know it
but anyway, how long did it take for you to realise you were addicted? like, the most i've ever smoked was about two, three packs over a two/three month period and i had no problems stopping... |
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| psilocin |
yo man i totally agree with what ya doing me 2 trying to quit smokin after 4.5 yrs cos i heard somewhere if u quit b4 five years your lungs can heal themselves somewhat. i m down to like 3 or 4 a day now but damn man i know what u mean the worst time i fiend smokes is when i m bored. what do y'all think bout products which help ya quit smoking anybody know any which effectively work? but i dunno i think its harder to quit mentally than physicaly
| quote: | | but, he says he's progressing, since he claims he smokes ONLY 5 a day. Mmm I still find it odd that he says that like its soem big accomplishment. |
The thing is man it IS a big accomplishment. think about down to 5 from like what 20 or 30 smokes a day? i suppose you gotta be able to relate to that to see what an accomplishment it is tho...all the better for you if there was one thing i wish i never did it was smoke cigs.. i mean c'mon guys they dont even get you high :nervous: |
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