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Friendship dilemma: How to break up with a friend who's also your friends' mate?
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| Maaz |
I know this post is a bit long, but I'm really looking for advice because I can't talk to it with most of my friends :(
Last year, I met this guy at school, and we became friends. Wherever I was, he was also there. I didn't mind it because it's normal to have friends at school after all, plus, I was studying much of the time anyway (even though he would often convince me to do something else, because I didn't know what "discipline and organisation" meant till recently :p). Time passed and all the friends I made at school eventually met him (and vice-versa), and we soon had the same friends.
It was a weird situation: at the same time he was this very nice guy who would take me anywhere in the city, lend me money whenever I needed (he was even willing to lend me 1000 U$ dollar so I could go to Russia) and do all the stuff friends do (I was extremely depressed back in that time and he would often help me out), I couldn't stand being beside him for much time. He was always complaining about things, criticising people (specially me), saying that "we were bothering people" (which made me feel paranoid for a while, thinking that I was indeed annoying everyone I talked to),..., and after some time I started to dislike more and more others aspects about him, and even his humour became annoying and childish to me (which made me feel afraid of being that way too, since I'm usually joking and stuff).
When he got a girlfriend I managed to keep some distance, started to enjoy my other friends more and stuff, but as soon as she broke up with him, he realised that I was more distant and started to ask me if I had stopped talking to him because he's boring (to which I replied that I was just spending too much time with my studies, which was true). A bit after that, he started to visit me more often, which led to a partial loss of privacy (whenever I asked a girl out while I was at home, he would know it, because he was there)... he even started to look for me in places in which I could be whenever I wasn't home (thank God I haven't got a mobile phone).
Friday we argued he noticed how fed up I was. Monday, he called me three times and sent me a couple of e-mails (Sunday he was working somewhere all day long, mind you) and Monday I couldn't answer his calls (nor answer his e-mails) because I was shaking in bed because of a fever, which made him believe I was avoiding him, as I was expecting :rolleyes:
I would consider breaking up with him, but, as I said, most of my mates hang out with him too (my sister's boyfriend, some girl I've got a wonderful feeling for, other good friends I have,...) - I don't want to lose it all. Plus, I know the guy really well: if I talk openly to him he'll get extremely hurt and I just can't be that harsh on people, he's a nice guy deep inside.
Someone got an idea of what I could do? I feel selfish and shallow :sadgreen: |
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| UWM |
'Breaking up' with him isn't exactly the correct terminology :p
Anyways one of my friends just had this happen to him. A guy who he had been friends with for a couple of years was getting really annoying whenever he was drunk (which was quite often) and he would harrass girls, start fights, etc ..
My friend finally had to tell him that he didn't want to hang out with him anymore, even though the two of them shared some mutual friends. As much as it might hurt him, sometimes you have to look out for yourself and make decisions that will make you happier in the long run.
My .02 |
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| Maaz |
| quote: | Originally posted by UWM
'Breaking up' with him isn't exactly the correct terminology :p |
Bloody Babelfish :D What's the correct expression, by the way?
| quote: | Originally posted by UWM
My friend finally had to tell him that he didn't want to hang out with him anymore, even though the two of them shared some mutual friends. |
Did he manage to keep these other friends? What about when they two met by chance? |
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| Vivid Boy |
| just do what ppl do in etobicoke start talking abt him |
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| Dioxys |
i know EXACTLY what you mean by this.. and acctually, it has happened to me 2-3 times in a row now.. they're okay in the beginning, but after a while.. they really start to annoy you.. luckily, i just kind of do what you've done.. sort of ignored them and with time they are just out of the picture..
and you're saying it's a hard time getting "rid" of him cause he has sort of the same friends as you.. be a little manipulative and talk about him with your friends, and soon, you're not the only one being annoyed :) |
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| Orbax |
Ignore him and fill your time with you want to be doing. Then when he says youre ignoring him get pissed off say you describe exactly what youve been doing and say youve been busy. Then get all pissed off and say exactly what you think about him. End the ing friendship. You dont want his ass in your life.
Then hopefully you are cooler then him and your other friends pick you over him. Sometimes they wont.
absence makes the heart grow fonder. you being gone will make them vut him off |
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| davinox |
| ignore the muddafacker. he'll drift out of your life. (unless you still owe him money... lol) |
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