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Make me Laugh!
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| igottaknow |
Heard any good jokes lately? Here is one to start you off...
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. Wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The students laughed.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life.
The rocks are the important things -your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they
remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks.
The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your
partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first -the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
But then...A student took the jar, which the other students and the
professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.
Which proves: - no matter how full your life is, there is always room for
one
more beer.... |
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| Paul Griffiths 1 |
| Should have wacked it in the Humour / Funny Stuff part of the forum matey! :p |
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| Fraggle |
hmmm...i'm sure this one's been posted recently :p:p:p
...or maybe i got it in my email :D:D:D
well...here's another one i got in my email today :):):)
If you think life is bad...
How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes four minutes to get hard.
Only two minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys
But worst of all...
the only chick that ever sat on your face
was your mother!!!
So cheer up, your life isn't that bad!!!
Pass it around to someone who you feel can
use a good lay,
I mean day!!!
hehe!! |
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| Paul Griffiths 1 |
| Aaaarrrgghhh...that's sick Fraggle! Funny though :) Don't know about the 4 minutes to get hard bit though! I'd be going to the doctors about that one... |
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| Drunkpolak |
| I got a joke for you, how do you circumsize a redneck, kick his sister in the jaw |
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| igottaknow |
sorry,forgot there was a humor category.
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender payed the $1,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS." |
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| Henkie_henk |
| Damn :) trying to move this one to the humour section :p |
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| Dj Lex |
| Hehe LOL. You aren't the mod here. Hehe. Nice jokes y'all |
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| Coup |
| quote: | Originally posted by Dj Lex
Hehe LOL. You aren't the mod here. Hehe. Nice jokes y'all |
erm, yes he is! lol!
Coup :) |
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| Blik |
| quote: | Originally posted by Henkie_henk
Damn :) trying to move this one to the humour section :p |
just push the MOVE button henkie.......:rolleyes: |
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| Henkie_henk |
| quote: | Originally posted by Blik
just push the MOVE button henkie.......:rolleyes: |
OMG!! thank you so much :D :D
It doesnt work.. Lynx had the same problem a while ago.. i pmed Swamper about it :)
Hope thisll make you laugh igottaknow..
* A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over,
there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
2 deff money winners when it comes to girls:
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Roses are red,
Pickles are green
I love your legs and whats in between
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass
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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying
and suddenly I realized that I was talking to myself.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.The other is used to carry groceries.
*sorry*
Q: Why do women have breasts?
A: So men will know to whom to pay the lower salaries.
ps if ya want to have a good laugh check the humor section ... :) |
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