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TiestoFanMatt
Do all men not like women being clingy?

My g/f is starting to become like that...i love her to bits but how do i try and tell her? or do i keep my mouth shut lol???
butterfly
most people in general dont like other people being clingy. it is suffocating.
You aint Ninja
On a hot day, the feel of boxers clinging to the skin of your sweaty buttocks can be quite comforting.
Streakfury
In the words of Homer Simpson:

quote:
Women are more like beer: they look good, they smell good, but you cant stop at one...


I'm sorry, that in no way helped you out. It's still true tho!

:)
Echo of Silence
quote:
Originally posted by TiestoFanMatt
or do i keep my mouth shut lol???


In a healthy relationship, you should be able to communicate your wants, needs, boundaries, and preferences. She should be able to express hers.

Example:

You: "I don't like the clingy stuff, especially in public."
Girlfriend: "When I feel insecure or threatened in public, I need clingy."
You: "What would make you feel insecure or threatened?"
Girlfriend: "Blonds with big boobs within 10 feet of you."
You: "I don't even like blonds with big boobs. You're more beautiful than any blond with big boobs who I've ever seen. I would never choose a blond with big boobs over you."
Girlfriend: "Oh you're so sweet."

Result: She's not as clingy everafter.

Haha. But relationships tend to go sour when you don't communicate well. Its important to express yourself and to listen. And then together, work on a solution. No need to argue.
DigiNut
quote:
Originally posted by Echo of Silence
Example:

You: "I don't like the clingy stuff, especially in public."
Girlfriend: "When I feel insecure or threatened in public, I need clingy."
You: "What would make you feel insecure or threatened?"
Girlfriend: "Blonds with big boobs within 10 feet of you."
You: "I don't even like blonds with big boobs. You're more beautiful than any blond with big boobs who I've ever seen. I would never choose a blond with big boobs over you."
Girlfriend: "Oh you're so sweet."

Result: She's not as clingy everafter.

Hah, talk about idealistic...

If a girl feels insecure or threatened when there are other attractive girls around but you're not even in physical contact with them, then the simple fact is that she's insecure, period. That's not a good thing. The onus isn't on you to butter her up so she feels good about it, because it's only a temporary solution, she'll start right up with the insecurity next time around.

You want the simple way to cut down on the clinginess? Don't spend so much time with her, say "no" once in a while! If you give in to her clinginess and go everywhere she wants, then it encourages the behaviour.

Edit: oh yeah, you might want to read this article on it.
Echo of Silence
Aaron, some girls are insecure on occasion. It's a fact of life. It doesn't meant they are bad or evil. Some guys are insecure on occasion. NO one is perfect. And my example wasn't meant to be taken literally.

Why do you have to punish a girl if she likes clingy and you don't? She's not wrong. You're not right. Just different tastes. It may have nothing to do with feelings of insecurity. Her family may be touchy touchy and yours may be no touchy touchy.

Why can't two people talk things over? Reach a satisfactory solution?

There doesn't have to be condemnation or criticism where there are differences. I think its important to discuss these things. If one person never says what he feels or thinks or wants as TiestoFanMatt proposed, he's bound to end up feeling discounted.
armandzadza
quote:
Originally posted by Echo of Silence
"...I would never choose a blond with big boobs over you."


C'mon now ;)
DigiNut
quote:
Originally posted by Echo of Silence
Aaron, some girls are insecure on occasion. It's a fact of life. It doesn't meant they are bad or evil. Some guys are insecure on occasion. NO one is perfect. And my example wasn't meant to be taken literally.

Why do you have to punish a girl if she likes clingy and you don't? She's not wrong. You're not right. Just different tastes. It may have nothing to do with feelings of insecurity. Her family may be touchy touchy and yours may be no touchy touchy.

Why can't two people talk things over? Reach a satisfactory solution?

There doesn't have to be condemnation or criticism where there are differences. If you don't like lyrics and I do, that doesn't mean I need to be punished for enjoying something you don't enjoy.

I think its important to discuss these things. If one person never says what he feels or thinks or wants as TiestoFanMatt proposed, he's bound to end up feeling discounted.

???

Um... no comment on most of that. Lyrics??

Compromise is indeed important, and if she's being clingy and you're indulging her, then you're basically making all the compromises, which isn't too good.

Anyway, on further thought, I guess you haven't really specified what you meant by clingy, Matt. Still, I don't think any serious discussion is necessary, it will only serve to make her more clingy. Just put some distance between you for a few days, say you want to spend a little more time with your friends and need more time to work and such... she'll get the message that way far better than if you tell her she's being clingy, that will just make her think you resent her.
sothis
quote:
Aaron, some girls are insecure on occasion. It's a fact of life. It doesn't meant they are bad or evil. Some guys are insecure on occasion. NO one is perfect. And my example wasn't meant to be taken literally.

Why do you have to punish a girl if she likes clingy and you don't? She's not wrong. You're not right. Just different tastes. It may have nothing to do with feelings of insecurity. Her family may be touchy touchy and yours may be no touchy touchy.


indeed. whats the punishment all about?

i mean, hell.. i dont think ive EVER dated a guy who wasnt even the slightest bit jealous when i go to hang out with all my male friends, go to a club with a guy friend (if the bf didnt like the same kind of music), etc. i'd venture to say there aren't a huge amount of people who wouldnt be... even if its a small amount.

i tend to think that girls get clingy because they are nervous of you cheating on them/leaving/etc. easy to worry about, because i swear ive met less than 5 people ever who havent cheated on a sig other at least once.

DigiNut
I don't see how distancing yourself for a few days is a "punishment."

I'm simply stating that clinginess in a relationship is often proportional to the amount of time you're already spending together (obviously it depends on other things too, but that is one of them!).

Sothis, would you rather just not see your guy for a couple of days, or would you rather have him tell you that you're clingy or that you're spending too much time together? Yes, neither option is great, but the former just makes you wonder whereas the latter actually hurts.

And yeah I'd be a little apprehensive if my g/f wanted to go to a club with one "guy" friend - the reason? Lots of women seem to be naive in thinking that a guy who is really attracted to them just wants to be her bosom buddy... it doesn't happen like that in the real world, unless the guy is gay or just doesn't find her attractive. So not only would I disapprove of her going out alone, late at night, with an interested guy, to a place where people routinely make out, but even if she was 100% disinterested in the guy, I wouldn't approve of her leading other guys on like that. And I feel no shame in that disapproval, because I know that any g/f of mine would FREAK if I told her I was going out with a hot babe to a nightclub. If it's a girl or girls that's fine, even if its a group of guys, I'd have faith that those guys would cockblock each other to a significant enough extent that they'd get nowhere anyway. :p :p

Incidentally, I've never cheated on a significant other either. Not everybody does this, maybe you're going after the wrong kinds of people.
ShadoWolf
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