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Need an opinion
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| mto |
Lets say you're dating someone for over a month. That person is only dating/seeing you and you're only dating/seeing them. You see eachother maybe once a week, or twice, and when you're together everything is fine. However, the days apart are hell. The person is a good person, good morals and very intelligent. However, they are not as open about feelings as you are. This person also has told you, in the beginning, that they dont believe in relationships and that there is no need for 'labels' (boyfriend, girlfriend). In beginning you kinda agree with this, but as time goes on you start not to look at it the same way that they are looking at it. Also, this person has frequent arguments with another person of opposite sex, however they do not go out with this person or do anything with them. This person is also one of those people who doesnt pick up the phone too often, and you are the one who has to set up dates and make all arrangements. They also never offer to take the tab when you go out with them. So one day, even though you do have feelings for this person, you decide to tell them that you guys shouldnt see eachother anymore. You kind of explain the way you feel and you say that you dont feel needed, and that they don't show as much as you do. This person tells you that they are not good in showing feelings and that they have told told you from the beginning how they felt about relationships. You're still on your way out, you are hurt, but you will be hurt as much even if you stay because you never really know how this person feels, if they appriciate you, and where the things stand. They, however, do imply that they like you, but still there is no relationship in sight. So you told them that you are walking away, but they say that maybe the time you told them how you felt is not a good time to discuss this. You tell them that you can talk face to face, since the conversation was over internet, and then talk it out. You tell them to call you when they are able to meet up with you. So if they can, or when they call, do you still go with what you already went with and tell them that you dont think anything can amount from this and that you need to leave? Have you done the right thing by saying how you felt?
Did I do a wrong thing by telling her that we shouldnt see eachother because I don't see us going anywhere and I'm in fear of breaking myself again? (I say again, because before her I was in a relationship that nearly killed me.)
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| anuneventrade |
First off, I notice you're an FLTA, why aren't you posting there? ;) ;) :p
Secondly,
You did a good thing telling her how you felt. Things will never be solved if you don't communicate. Relationships are about giving and recieving. If you feel like you're the only one doing the giving, there is something wrong. Communication is important in a relationship. You need to really discuss what's going on with her. Why is she so agains labels? Perhaps she is shying away from showing how she really feels becuase she was also in a bad relationship and is damaged?
I know from my own experience that I really can't open up to people. I tend to shy away from new relationship opportunties since my last disaster.
Maybe she is not ready?
It's good that you tried to tell her how you feel. However, it would have been a bad idea to continue on with a relationship if you feel you are getting shafted. If she doesn't call, take it as a sign that you aren't meant to be and try to find someone else who will appreciate you and give you the attention you deserve. :) |
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| Boomer187 |
yeah, your way more involved than she is. Stick with your decision and split up. Maybe some time away from you will force her to make up her mind. That could be good, could be bad.
but staying in an elclusive relationship like that is a recipe for disaster. |
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| Slylee |
| i didn't read all of it cuz i'm at work... but from what i did read, it sounds like you're getting played...move on. anyone who says they "don't believe in labels" is basically saying they don't wanna be tied down. |
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| Echo of Silence |
Yes, I agree with both anun and boomer.
Question.
What if "she is shying away from showing how she really feels becuase she was also in a bad relationship and is damaged?" What if she isn't ready for an involvement?
If two people like each other but one is a little gun shy...
can they just kind of take it slow for a couple of months...allow wounds to heal and the injured person understands they can work on their problems...or is it better to just walk away and forget it? |
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| anuneventrade |
In answer to your question Echo.
It is completely good to take things slow (That's how most of my relationships begin). However, both people need to be on the same wavelength.
It won't work to take things slow if one of the two doesn't even make any attempt to work at things at all. From what mto seems to be saying, she didn't even want to plan a get together.
Things just need to be talked about between them. Communication is the main key :) |
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| MERTON |
| bah! just slap her up side her damn head and call her a dumbass in that red foreman voice with that red foreman look... that's the solution to all of your problems!:cool: |
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| Echo of Silence |
yeah.
actually, I jumped to a different situation. I thought you and boomer's response took care of his. :)
So we're (roommate and I are reading these together) looking at a really similar relationship here. The two people like each other and get along...one's having problems because of a prior bad relationship, etc etc.
You think it could work even if the guy is ahead and the girl is lagging (because of recent problems/damage) if they decide to slow things down and all that? |
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| anuneventrade |
| quote: | Originally posted by Echo of Silence
yeah.
actually, I jumped to a different situation. I thought you and boomer's response took care of his. :)
So we're (roommate and I are reading these together) looking at a really similar relationship here. The two people like each other and get along...one's having problems because of a prior bad relationship, etc etc.
You think it could work even if the guy is ahead and the girl is lagging (because of recent problems/damage) if they decide to slow things down and all that? |
Yes, sure, as long as she talked to him about it. The important thing is to talk about things.
She should explain that while she really likes him, she needs to take things a bit slower. She doesn't have to go into detail, but she should just say that because of past experiences, she just needs to go slow.
If he really likes her/wants to be with her, he'll understand and slow things down :) |
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| Boomer187 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Echo of Silence
yeah.
actually, I jumped to a different situation. I thought you and boomer's response took care of his. :)
So we're (roommate and I are reading these together) looking at a really similar relationship here. The two people like each other and get along...one's having problems because of a prior bad relationship, etc etc.
You think it could work even if the guy is ahead and the girl is lagging (because of recent problems/damage) if they decide to slow things down and all that? |
well then it is dependant on the person "running" the relationship. If the guy is putting all the effort into it then he has the power to end it.
I have noticed that some people need to be in relationships at all times, even when they are recovering from their previous breakup. I am not one of those types o people so my advice usually leans toward getting out of relationships altogether for a bit and reanalyse what you really want.
seems to work for me, but then again everyone is different and it depends on a lot of situational & personality variables. so it could and it couldn't work. |
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| Echo of Silence |
| thank you :) |
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| anuneventrade |
| quote: | Originally posted by Echo of Silence
thank you :) |
You're more than welcome. :) If you need more advice than what you want to have publicly seen through posts, feel free to PM me. |
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