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Darwin Award winners
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| DaveSaenz |
Copied & Pasted so don't bitch at me... :P
Yes, it's the one we've all been waiting for ... the Darwin Award 2003. The candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the
person who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition again this year has been keen.
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
* In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP....
TACOMA, WA
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at
4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say, " said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night." "There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER....
PADERBORN, GERMANY
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung
for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents in which, " happens." |
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| Omegasox |
| quote: | Originally posted by DaveSaenz
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
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:wtf: |
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| Vivid Boy |
netwerk aka aplz 17 yrs old resident from toronto fake a suicide and was mocked he then proceeded to ressurect himself inside a hospital and magically got a hold of laptop computer where he began posting messages oin ta
^^^^^^
winner of the 2003 ta knob award |
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| mezzir |
am I the only one here who really doesn't find the darwin awards funny at all?
sure they're good for a chuckle, but they're real stories. imagine the horror that some of these people went through in their last moments, i don't care how dumb they may have been, drowning with your head stuck in a sewer grate is a fate no one deserves.
reading these always makes me really sad |
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| Mebot |
IVe read these before.. are you sure its the winners for this year?
There was also that case of the man who was driving his RV and put it in Cruise Control and went to the back and laid down. His RV crashed and he was seriously injured. he sued the makers of the camper for not saying u coulndt put in cruise control and walk away
He actually won the lawsuit |
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| djSlain |
hilarious! thanx for sharing
i didn't understand the one about the beach hole thing, can someone explain it in more detail? |
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| Mebot |
| quote: | Originally posted by djSlain
hilarious! thanx for sharing
i didn't understand the one about the beach hole thing, can someone explain it in more detail? |
a guy dug a hole in the sand.. 8 feet deep.. thats pretty ing deep if u think about it. An average man is 6 foot tall..so 2 more feet..
He was at the bottom and the sides caved in on him. he suffocated. buried alive. :eyes: :eek: |
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| Mike_B |
| yeah plus its sand not dirt and he was sitting at the bottom, what a tard |
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| tranceDJ |
| quote: | Originally posted by mezzir
am I the only one here who really doesn't find the darwin awards funny at all?
sure they're good for a chuckle, but they're real stories. imagine the horror that some of these people went through in their last moments, i don't care how dumb they may have been, drowning with your head stuck in a sewer grate is a fate no one deserves.
reading these always makes me really sad |
You gotta admit though that you would have to be pretty stupid to do this and the other things mentioned. I understand that they're human and everyone deserves to live but they brought these things on themselves. If you're going to feel sorry for people who have died, it makes more sense to mourn people who didn't die from their own unintelligent acts. |
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| TeKnoHe@d2025 |
I found more, check these out:
| quote: | (You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's an annual honor given to the person who did the "gene pool" the most service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over onto him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it… And the nominees this year are…)
9. A young Canadian man, searching for a cheap way to get drunk, because he was short of money to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, upon ingesting this concoction it made him ill, and he immediately vomited into an open fireplace in his house, which had a small wood fire burning in it. The resulting explosion burned his house down, killing both him and his sister;
8. Police report that a 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home had died of suffocation. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to dress up in a schoolgirl's uniform. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed, and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approximately 12" long and 3" in diameter. For reasons not determined the other end of the tube had been inserted into his rectum. This was found to be the direct cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward;
7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to "moon" the occupants of the other plane, but they lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles;
6. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. Details provided was that someone had reported that his father was not breathing. Upon entry the officer found the man lying naked, face down on the couch. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse, and to start CPR, she noticed he had burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance removed the man - who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made a closer inspection of the couch. They noted that the man had made a space between the cushions and he a small hole in the base of the couch. Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what had caused his death. Apparently, the man had put his penis down through the hole and between two electrical oscillating sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons). Their report stated that after his orgasm the discharge sperm had shorted out one of the sanders and electrocuted him;
5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not normal qualify for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her electronic "Tamagotchi" key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food while she drove along the highway. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the "Tamagotchi's" life, the woman lost her own;
4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators believe Barcia was alone, because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was appreciably greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground." Police say the apparent cause of death was as a result of "Major trauma";
3. A man in Alabama died from a rattlesnake bite. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was also hospitalized, but recovered;
2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of natural gas. Sensibly, the management promptly evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, 2 technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found that they were having difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses, from a building overlooking the 2 technicians, later described that they had seen one of the technicians reaching into his pocket to retrieve an object which resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of the building up to a mile away. Nothing was found of the technicians. The lighter was found virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast was described as 'not too bright' by his peers;
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix. Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine while Sanchez's scrotum was in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed beyond his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and it turned out that the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever, remaining in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened beyond recovery as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and he was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course. |
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| Mebot |
| quote: | Originally posted by TeKnoHe@d2025
I found more, check these out: |
LMAO!!
these are teh funay!
| quote: | | 7. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to "moon" the occupants of the other plane, but they lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles; |
HI-larious |
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| You aint Ninja |
| quote: | | Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever, remaining in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened beyond recovery as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. |
OMFG |
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