|
Political Jokes
|
View this Thread in Original format
| DaveSaenz |
Post more if you have some...
Howard Dean Jokes
Late-Night Jokes About Presidential Candidate Howard Dean
Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
"Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking, who better to give advice than the guy who couldn't even get elected with the most votes?" —David Letterman
"Howard Dean was endorsed by Al Gore. Now, if Dean could get Gray Davis to campaign for him, that would put him over the top." —Jay Leno
"Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for president. That's pretty fitting, the guy that didn't beat Bush endorsing the guy who won't beat Bush." —David Letterman
"Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean was all smiles, well smirks, after picking up the endorsement of former Vice President Al Gore at a rally in Harlem ... Gore went on to praise Dean for taking a tough anti-war stance before the invasion of Iraq and he praised Dean supporters in hopes that will ease his concerns over lack of foreign policy experience, and his lack of support among blacks and Latinos, and his hot temperament, and perceived arrogance, and policy flip-flops, and campaign glitches. Well, there's a lot going on here." —Jon Stewart
"General Wesley Clark commented on Gore endorsing Howard Dean. He said endorsements don't win elections. Hey, in this country, votes don't even win elections." —Jay Leno
"Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy — but now I know this guy is presidential material." —David Letterman
"The New York Times is reporting that back in the '60s, presidential candidate Howard Dean used a letter from a doctor about a back condition to keep himself out of the draft in Vietnam and then spent 10 months skiing. Well it sounds like he's done the impossible. He actually made Bill Clinton and George Bush look like war heroes." —Jay Leno
"Presidential Democratic front-runner Howard Dean admitted to Chris Matthews on the 'Hardball' show that he got out of the draft because of a bad back. He had a curvature of the spine. Apparently it curved too far to the left." —Jay Leno
"In a recent interview, Howard Dean admitted that he used to drink and smoke pot. So, now all he needs to put him over the top is a sex scandal." —David Letterman
"In his new book, 'Winning Back America,' Dean talks about his wealthy prep school and how he used to get drunk. Let me get this straight — he had rich parents, drank a lot, went to prep school and avoided Vietnam. He's the alternative to George Bush? I think he is George Bush." —Jay Leno
"Howard Dean is a politician, a medical doctor and a Democrat. So he has three reasons to tell women to take off their clothes now." —Jay Leno
"While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and balanced Vermont's budget — all traditionally conservative policies. Dean also received an 'A' rating from the National Rifle Association, which I think you can't get unless you've killed a guy." —Jon Stewart
"It was reported today that former Governor Howard Dean raised $14 million dollars in campaign funds mostly over the Internet. Of course, Dean's success could be contributed to his Web site: www.wetboobies." —Conan O'Brien
"Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean's presidential campaign is handing out tongue depressors to volunteers with his name on them. Wasn't that Clinton's trick?" —Jay Leno |
|
|
| DaveSaenz |
"Here's a great story, incoming Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, he's driving on vacation in Florida, saw an SUV that overturned on the highway, stopped, got out of the car, jumped over and helped the victims until the paramedics arrived. In fact, this is being called the closest thing Republicans have ever had for providing health care to people. He was not the only senator who stopped at the accident. John Edwards the trial lawyer stopped and chased the ambulance all the way to the hospital." —Jay Leno
"Gary Hart now says he wants to run for president. Gary Hart was the guy handing out the beads in the very first 'Girls Gone Wild' video." —Jay Leno
"Did you hear about the controversy surrounding the Joe Lieberman campaign? Turns out years ago he may have experimented with charisma." —Craig Kilborn
"There was a big grease fire at Al Sharpton's office today. Apparently, his hair got too close to the space heater." —Jay Leno
"Joe Lieberman announced yesterday that he's running for president. He made the announcement at his old high school. Out of force of habit, the kids gave him a wedgie and broke his glasses." —Jay Leno
"On Monday, Senator Joe Lieberman will announce his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination while speaking at his old high school. To recreate the feel of his old high school days, Senator Lieberman will make the announcement from inside a locker." —Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"Florida Senator Bob Graham announced that he is running for president despite the fact that he went through a double-bypass earlier this year. Political experts don't give Graham much chance because his campaign slogan is 'I'm a little healthier than Dick Cheney.'" —Conan O'Brien
"The Reverend Al Sharpton attacked President Bush, saying he ruined the economy. For instance, Sharpton hasn't been able to find a job in over 46 years." —Craig Kilborn
"It was reported this week that of all the Democratic Presidential candidates Congressman Dick Gephardt has raised the least money. As a result, Congressman Gephardt has announced his new campaign slogan will be 'I ain't got Dick.'" —Conan O'Brien
"In the Rock The Vote presidential debates Tuesday night Democratic candidates Howard Dean, John Edwards and John Kerry admitted that they had smoked marijuana, while candidate Dennis Kucinich admitted that he was high right now." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" |
|
|
| TheFutureIsNear |
| are you kidding me? each of those are like 5000 characters. Im a lazy lazy man howard |
|
|
| anuneventrade |
| You can always count on the ugliest Dave for amusement! :haha: |
|
|
| dj_ilan_yosef |
| yO nerd, we already got a political jokes thread... copy and paste your to there and click that majikal delete box in your editing options! |
|
|
|
|
