|
2004 joke thread
|
View this Thread in Original format
| tennessee_raver |
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"
_____
My girl friend says I'm a pedophile.
Thats a big word for a fourth grader.
_______
100 years ago when 100 white people chase a black person that was called the KKK. What is it called today?
The PGA
______
Why is P.M.S called P.M.S?
Because mad cow disease was taken.
______
A man gets on a train and sits next to a blonde reading a book called Sex Statistics. "Any good?", he asks. "Fascinating - American Indians have the widest penises, and Polishmen the longest. By the way, I'm Jane."
"Hi," he says. "I'm Tonto Palawlaski."
:toothless |
|
|
| Galapidate |
Here are some from a comedian named Mitch Hedberg:
I don't have a girlfriend, but a know a woman who wouldn't like what I just said.
---------------------------------------
Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs
---------------------------------------
I like to play poker, but I wouldn't say I have an addiction to gambling. I have an addiction to sitting in a semi-circle.
---------------------------------------
They always tell you to use the positive term "cheese grater", but they never tell you the negative term "sponge ruiner". Now I have little tiny pieces of sponge all over my tortilla chips.
---------------------------------------
I went to a rock concert once, and the singer shouted "How many of you are feeling like human beings tonight?" Then he asked, "How many of you are feeling like animals tonight?" Everyone screamed after the second part. I, however, screamed after the first part, because I did not know there was a second part to that question.
---------------------------------------
My lucky number is 40 billion, but it doesn't come in handy when I gamble. "Come on 40 billion!" . Seven. Oh well, I'm gonna need some more dice.
---------------------------------------
I put highlights in my hair because I feel that some strands are more important than others.
---------------------------------------
I have an ant farm, but they don't grow .
---------------------------------------
I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long.
---------------------------------------
Last week I helped my friend 'stay put'. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he is not starting to load in a truck.
---------------------------------------
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said,"No, but I want a regular banana later...so yeah!"
---------------------------------------
I have a few cavaties, but I don't like to call them that. I call them "places to put stuff". You know where I can store a pea? Yes I have some locations available. |
|
|
| ebeneezer_goode |
God is up in heaven working away, he fancies a break so he calls all of his advisors together
he asks them where he should go
the first replies ' pluto, you could relax there'
'no way' god replies 'i went there 10000 years ago and got the worst cold'
'how about jupiter' says the second advisor
'definitely not' says god ' i went there 5000 years ago, its too hot for me'
'ok ok' says the third 'what about earth?'
'WHOA definitely not!' says God ' i went there 2000 year ago, knocked up some bird and they're still bloody talking about it!' |
|
|
|
|
