| TranceNerd |
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her
neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced
youngster was doing, he politely asked,
"What are you up to there, Nancy? "My goldfish, died," replied Nancy
tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor
was concerned, 'That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's
because he's inside your ing cat."
------
A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when
another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog sat in the
middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man
explains that they work for the airline.
The dog handler says to the first man "Don't mind Rover he is a
sniffer dog, the best there is, I'll show you once we get airborne and I set
him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the
first man "Watch this." He tells the dog "Rover, search."
The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a
woman for a few seconds, it then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the
handler's arm.
He says: "Good boy." He turns to the first man and says, "That
woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the
seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival."
"Fantastic!" replies the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs
about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and
places both paws on the handler's arm. He says "Good boy." He turns to the
first man and says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a
note of this and the seat number."
"That's marvelous, I never seen anything like it!" says the first
man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. He goes up and down
the plane aisle and after a while sits down next to someone, and then
comes racing back and jumps up onto the seat and craps all over the
place.
The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks "What
the hell is going on?"
The handler replies "He's just found a bomb!"
------
A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer.
The bartender walked over with a sigh, and asked, "What's the problem, pal?"
"My brother just told me there's a sperm bank in his neighborhood
that pays $40 for a donation."
"Yeah, so?"
"Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've let a fortune slip through
my fingers!"
---
Deep in the woods of Tennessee, on a country road, a speeder hit
and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a hunting rifle in
his hand. It was obvious to the speeder that he'd killed the man's
hunting dog.
The speeder looked at the owner sheepishly and said, "Looks as if
I killed your dog."
"Sure does." said the dog's owner.
"I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" asked the speeder.
"I wouldn't say that." replied the owner.
"Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be
enough?" inquired the speeder.
"Well," said the owner, "I don't know."
"Two hundred dollars. That should do it." stated the speeder.
"Sounds good." said the owner.
The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money.
Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled
your plans to go hunting."
"I wasn't going hunting." replied the dog's owner. "I was heading
out to the woods to shoot that mangy dog." |
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