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Speeches to the Deaf Society
An Englishman , a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleague's starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin.
When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies...and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started: Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol ?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his
chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying "Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."
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BEST COMEBACK LINES
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of
National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and
US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout
Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to
teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing,canoeing,archery,
and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on
the
rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous
activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper
rifle
discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent
killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're
not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
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There was once a man and his dog, whom were stranded on an island. One
day, the man was really desperate and wanted to have sex real bad,so he
went round the island, hoping to find a woman or something, except for a
barrel. So with that, he poked a hole through the middle of the barrel
and srewed till he was satisfied. Ever since then, he used that to
fulfil his sexual desires. One day, his dog, has the sexual urge too, so
it decides to use the method that its master have been using. So the two
of them used the barrel until they died. About 50 years later, the
island was founded by a group of old nuns and they built a nunnery
there. One day the Chief Nun found a certain barrel which contained a
loadful of wax, so she took it and made them into candles. The candles
were then being used to light up the nunnery in the dark until one day,
a nun got naughty and decided to satisfy herself with the candles. She
throughly enjoyed herself from that. However 10 months later, she rushed
into the Mother Superior's room and said, "I've got to confess, I used
the candle to screw myself 10 months ago and now I have a baby. Mother
Superior then replied, "You're more fortunate my child, I've got a
puppy..." |
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