| Jayx1 |
A friend of mine sent me this:
The Politician
While vacationing on a ranch, Paul Martin gets thrown from his horse,
lands on a rattlesnake, gets bitten and dies because the emergency room
at
the nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.
His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly
Gates.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a Liberal around these parts, so
we're not
sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says Martin
"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself.
He
says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you
must
choose where you'll live for eternity."
"But, I've already made up my mind, I want to be in Heaven," replied
Martin.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter
escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to
Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf
course;
the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72
degrees.
In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse.
Standing in front of it is his dad, and thousands of other Liberals who
had helped him out over the years. Pierre Trudeau, Jean Marchand,
Pelletier,
St Laurent etc. The whole of the "Left" was there, everyone laughing,
happy
and casually but expensively dressed.
They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they
had getting rich at the expense of "suckers and peasants." They play a
friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Martin with a frosty drink, "Have a
Margarita and relax, Paul!"
"Uh, I can't drink no more, I took a pledge," says Martin, dejectedly.
"This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry,
and it just gets better from there!"
Martin takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he
thinks
is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes like himself, and
pulls
hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like they pulled on the GST and Free
Trade
promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes
it,
it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Martin steps
on
the elevator and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is
waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says,
opening
the gate.
So for 24 hours Matin is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things
other
than money, and treat each other with deceny.
Not a nasty prank or frat boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs
and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these
people are all poor, he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even
treated like someone special!
Worst of all, to Martin, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish
hippie with his endless 'peace' and 'do unto others' jive. "Whoa," he
says
uncomfortably to himself. "Pierre Trudeau never prepared me for this!"
The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in
Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for
eternity."
With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Martin
reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have thought
I'd
say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really
think
I belong in Hell with my friends."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down,
all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the
middle
of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial
waste,
kind of like Sudbury.
He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained
together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are
groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
The Devil comes over to Martin and puts an arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Martin, "Yesterday I was here
and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and
caviar,
drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"
The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were
campaigning; today you voted for us!"
:stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :haha: :haha: |
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