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Kenyon and Abramovich toast the Gerrard deal
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| Xavier |
:D
As news of a 3pm press conference seeps through the bald, nausiating head of Peter Kenyon, he then begins the celebrations. Giving his new best bud Roman a call, the two settle down to celebrate the signing of Steven Gerrard. Roman with his Smirnoff and Kenyon with his pink WKD, the two are rather chuffed with their weeks work, of course the tap up merchants Lampard, Cole and Terry will be heavily rewarded.
*Roman walks into the richly decorated and sick makingly expensive house of Chelsea CEO, Peter Kenyon*
Kenyon:
Ah, hi there Roman. You've arrived here just in time to watch Parry publically declare that Steven Gerrard will no longer be a Liverpool player.
*Kenyon takes a sip of his pink WKD*
Roman:
Let's just say that this is the best peice of work you have completed yet Peter, your brilliance will of course be heavily rewarded.
*Roman takes a sip of his vodka whilst grinning to himself at the power of his roubles*
Kenyon:
Of course you do realise that money was never my motivation for doing this Roman. I'm a Chelsea fan through and through, I only did it because of severe love for this club.
Roman:
Of course I realise this Peter.
*Kenyon takes another sip of his WKD, this time looking satisfied with his non-mercenary appearance*
Kenyon:
Ah, I think it's about time for the press conference Roman. Shall we tune in? I bought this plasma screen the other day.
*Kenyon picks up his shiny Sky Digital remote, and with a flick of the TV guide button and the prompt switching of channels, he locates Sky Sports News. Lifting his feet up and taking a slow sip of his WKD, he grins smugly*
Kenyon:
Those bloody scousers got what's coming to them, I can't wait to see the riots break out around Liverpool.
Roman:
Quite.
*Sky Sports News begins*
Fit Blonde Bird off SSN:
We will shortly be going live to Anfield where details of Liverpool's major announcment are set to be revealed.
Kenyon:
Ah, excellent, here it is. That bird is one peice of ass, I could just...
*Roman promptly interupts him*
Roman:
Please Peter, not now.
*Roman takes a swift gulp of his Vodka, looking disgustingly at the grotesk vision of Kenyon, somewhat exasperrated from his moment of excitement.*
*The television swiftly moves to Parry and Steven Gerrard*
Kenyon:
Here we are Roman, time for me to get loads of money, I mean glory.
Roman:
Quite, Peter, Quite.
Parry:
Usually Press Conferences are called to confirm that players are signing.
*Kenyon mouths, "But today is to confirm that one is leaving"*
Parry:
But today is to confirm that one is staying, that player, is Steven Gerrard.
*Suddenly, a jet of vodka flys from Roman's mouth, promptly smacking Kenyon on the side of the face*
Roman: Peter, you will pay for this
Kenyon: But, But, this, it's not my fault.
*Kenyon swiftly devours the remainder of his pink WKD, before sending a nervous glance Roman's way*
Kenyon:
I, I, do still get paid for this, don't I?
Roman:
Oh you'll get paid alright, you'll get paid.
*Kenyon breaths a sigh of relief*
*Roman flicks the top of his shiny silver mobile phone open, hits a couple of buttons and closes it again*
Kenyon:
So who next then Roman? How about I give Theirry Henry another go?
Roman:
I do not think that will be necessary, Peter.
*Suddenly, three skin headed Russians enter, wielding Smirnoff bottles, one ***** Kenyon on the top of his shiny head with a bottle, the three then drag him out*
Roman:
Get Lampard, Terry and Cole on the way back lads, they won't get away with this.
*Roman leaves the house of Kenyon in a gentlemanly fassion, finishing off his vodka, and dialing the number of Deco....* |
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| FabioCannavaro |
| Do you think they are going to get Gerrard? I hope not. He is a type of player that you would like to see stay at his club for his carrer. |
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| Xavier |
| quote: | Originally posted by FabioCannavaro
Do you think they are going to get Gerrard? I hope not. He is a type of player that you would like to see stay at his club for his carrer. |
Gerrard said he was staying 2 days ago. What I posted is a parody of what might of happened between Roman Abrahimnovich & Chelsea CEO Peter Kenyon when Gerrard announced he was staying. :D |
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| FabioCannavaro |
| Glad to hear it, I assume that you support Liverpool from the sig, what do you think of Benitez? I think he could be a good manager there. I also think they need to be active this summer in the transfer market since it seems that they are drifting away fast from the Arsenal - Man Utd - Chelsea pack. |
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| Xavier |
| I think Benitez's 3 years at Valencia was remarkable. 2 La Ligas & 1 UEFA cup while all the while Rafael hardly spent because Valencia were in a bad financial situation. |
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| Xavier |
MAJOR football tournaments like Euro 2004 are a shop window for talent.
And you can guarantee that as soon as anyone impresses, the rumours about Chelski putting in a bid will get underway.
Owner Roman Abramovich and his sidekick, chief executive Peter Kenyon, have been spotted at a number of games, so Euro 2004 On the Bounce enlisted the help of a top computer hacker to find out who they've been watching.
To: [email protected][/email]
From: [email protected]
Subject: England
Just been to England v France. Didn't we get lucky when Sven turned us down, eh? Rooney looked a bit tasty (why did he sub him?). Make £30mbid.
Glad we didn't sign Beckham, either - wouldn't want him taking penalties for my team. As for Henry, didn't realise he was playing until James fouled him.
Scrap plans to sign Gerrard -dodgy backpasses. £40m should get Zidane.
To: [email protected][/email]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Bids
Bid for Rooney and Zidane. Haven't heard so much laughing down the phone since I agreed to pay £7.5m for Diego Forlan.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Wow!
Wow! Get me Rooney now. Only Switzerland, I know, but he was great. £40m should do it.
To: [email protected][/email]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Robben
Just wanted to congratulate you on hijacking Arjen Robben transfer. Jose will love him. Has he mentioned Ibrahimovich to you?
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Targets
Just watched England v Croatia on BBC. Joe Royle couldn't stop talking about Paul Gerrard - suggest £31m bid immediately. That Redknapp he mentioned looked familiar - is Jose interested?
To: [email protected]
From: [email][email protected]
Cc: [email protected]
Subject: URGENT: Paul Gerrard
NOBODY TO AUTHORISE BIDS FOR PAUL GERRARD OR JAMIE REDKNAPP.
I think Joe was confusing them with Steven Gerrard and our own Frank Lampard, Mr Abramovich.
PS. Everton still avoiding my phone calls.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Cc: [email][email protected]
Subject: Targets
John, Wayne and Frank say Operation Tap Up Stevie has been complete success.
Should get him for £31m. Operation Roonski not going so well - this should help, though.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Cc: [email][email protected]
Subject: Gerrard
Just seen on Sky Sports News that Gerrard is staying at Liverpool. Bummer. Thought it was stitched up.
Mentioned something about loyalty. Not quite sure what that meant - does anyone know? We might never get rid of Scott Parker now.
Suggest secret meeting next week to discuss Mr Abramovich's suggestion to buy the Czech Republic. Still no word from Everton. |
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| dukes |
| the deal is all but done. liverpool have said the chelski offer is fine and gerrard will go to chelski and become the highest payed player in the world so why would he say no?! £120,000 per week!!! so the deal is pretty much done and dusted. |
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| michiel |
| they're getting mateja kezman, the lucky bastards |
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| mr.marcello |
| quote: | Originally posted by dukes
the deal is all but done. liverpool have said the chelski offer is fine and gerrard will go to chelski and become the highest payed player in the world so why would he say no?! £120,000 per week!!! so the deal is pretty much done and dusted. |
I thought the deal was off....:conf: |
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