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Toast
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| mentalbarter |
A Posh Hotel holds 3 weddings on the same day and at the end of the night,
the 3 grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events over a couple of
Beers.
One questions the other two,
"listen, it's our wedding night and I was wondering - how many times are
we expected to...um...you know.... DO IT ???
Eventually, they all decide to retire to their respective wives and see how
the night goes, with the idea to meet up the following morning over
breakfast to discuss what went on.
Suddenly one of the grooms pipes up,
"Hold on lads, we can't discuss our first nights marital goings on over the
breakfast table with our new wives sat with us"
"No you're right. What we'll do then, is for every piece of toast we order
with our breakfast, that'll be the amount times we did it", offers another
groom.
They all decide it's an excellent idea and depart.
The next day in the hotel dining room, the grooms are all looking a bit
disheveled, but that's nothing compared to the brides, who can barely
stagger across the room to their tables.
The waitress comes up to the first groom to take his order,
"Hello, I'll have the full English breakfast with THREE pieces of toast
please".
The other two grooms smile at him and raise a glass of fresh orange in a
toast to his fantastic prowess.
The waitress moves to the second couple, and the groom orders,
"I too shall have the full English breakfast but could I have FOUR pieces of
toast"
The waitress gets to the last groom.
"I shall also have the full English breakfast please, yet I shall have..."
he takes a deep breath,
"SEVEN, yes SEVEN PIECES OF TOAST" he calls for everyone's benefit, whilst
giving a big cheesy grin to his two wedding mates, who stare at him in
disbelief at the thought how raw his poor schlong must be.
"Seven pieces of toast sir?" queries the waitress, "Why, that's an awful
lot"
"Yes indeed young lady, seven pieces of toast it is."
She writes down his order and turns away, but before she can leave, the
groom calls after her again...
"And by the way love, can you make two of those Brown?" |
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| mentalbarter |
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off
his new flat.
After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong
taking pride of place in the lounge.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Why, that's my Speaking Clock" the man replied.
"How does it work?"
"I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an
unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For 's sake,
you , it's 1:40 in the morning!!" |
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| nils |
lmao :crazy:
last one was the best, hehe |
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| neoraver |
| ahahaha the last one is great :haha: |
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| joshyd |
hahahah, i like them both.
this is one of my favorite..
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind oflanguage in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice
language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are ed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please direct your complaints to the fat slut in the kitchen." |
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| mentalbarter |
| heh yeah that's a good one too |
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| DjSway |
| :stongue: Good one! The clock and the train one! Keep em coming guys! |
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| slipknot |
| wtf? that first one didnt really make sence can someone explain it? |
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| YellowG555 |
| brown toast = backdoor |
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| slipknot |
| quote: | Originally posted by YellowG555
brown toast = backdoor |
o lol im an idiot i wasnt thinkin when i posted |
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| Stιphanie |
| quote: | Originally posted by slipknot
o lol im an idiot i wasnt thinkin when i posted |
i didnt get that one at first either lol |
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