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Friday crap jokes please (pg. 3)
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| DRM |
that was hilarious :stongue: |
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| mentalbarter |
| quote: | Originally posted by DJ Mikey Mike
A crap joke you say?
One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to
make me a new Ark".
Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being anything you want after
all you're the guv".
But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not
just a couple of decks ... I want 20 decks one on top of the other".
"20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I
fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"
"Yep, that's right, well ... sort of right ... this time I want you to fill
it up with fish", God answers.
"Fish?", queries Noah.
"Yep, fish ... well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp - wall to
wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"
Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, you
want a New Ark?"
"Check".
"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".
"Check".
"And you want it full of Carp?"
"Check".
"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether ...
"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".
fankyoo :p |
i laughed out loud |
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| Ian^ |
Liverpool Football Club are on the look out for some new talent and
send a scout to Iraq where they find a fantastic new player.
The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably
impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 2-0 down to Man Utd with only 30 mins left.
The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 3 goals and wins the game for Liverpool.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her
about his first day in English football. "Hello mum, guess what - I played for half an hour today, scored 3 goals and won the game. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
"Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day... while you
were having a great time, your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?!!" says his mum, "It's your fault we moved to Liverpool in the
first place" |
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| DJ Mikey Mike |
Yesterday, a friend of mine was travelling on a Paris to London
flight. A man of Arabic appearance got off the plane and my friend noticed that he had left his bag behind. She grabbed the bag and ran after him, caught up with him in the terminal and handed him back his bag.
He was extremely grateful and reached into his bag, which appeared to contain large bundles of money. He looked around to make sure nobody was looking and whispered "I can never repay your kindness, but I will try to.... with a word of advice for you: Stay away from Liverpool".
My friend was genuinely terrified, due to recent goings on. "Is there going to be an attack?" she asked him.
"No ... ", he whispered back......
"It's a hole."
:toothless |
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| svens_bath |
FHM joke but good none the less
a guy with no arms or legs is sunbathing on a beach when 3 fit birds go by and feeling sorry for him, approach the guy. the first asks him: have you ever been hugged before and he replies no, so she gives him a big hug.
the second asks: have you ever been kissed before, and again he replies no, so she gives him a full on no holds barred tongue twister.
the third asks: have you ever been ed before, and again he replies no, so she says, well you are now cos the tides coming in. |
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| Unknown DJ |
| quote: | Originally posted by svens_bath
FHM joke but good none the less
a guy with no arms or legs is sunbathing on a beach when 3 fit birds go by and feeling sorry for him, approach the guy. the first asks him: have you ever been hugged before and he replies no, so she gives him a big hug.
the second asks: have you ever been kissed before, and again he replies no, so she gives him a full on no holds barred tongue twister.
the third asks: have you ever been ed before, and again he replies no, so she says, well you are now cos the tides coming in. |
LMFAO! best so far :D |
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| DannyO |
Not a joke, but in funny.
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| Misty Kitty |
| ^^ i don't get it, but i suppose it involves football |
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| Ste |
| quote: | Originally posted by DannyO
Not a joke, but in funny.
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its neo . |
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| Fundamental |
Half man... Half frog...
Yes, it's the guy at the bottom left. |
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| tu_face |
| quote: | Originally posted by Misty Kitty
^^ i don't get it, but i suppose it involves football |
never seen harry enfield?
calm down calm down
de doo doh dont de doh!? |
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| Misty Kitty |
ahhh its rung a bell, kinda.
i got a thursday joke.
did you hear about the man who got run down by a train?
he was chuffed to bits! |
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