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need some harsh advice here
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| goodgreefgirl |
alright, here it goes (it might be long, i hope not though..ill try to make it short).
went out with a guy for over a year and a half. we had a long distance relationship from the beginning, and things were going great as we knew we'd be together eventually.
we went to europe together for 4 months...
grew super close together when we were in europe, it was the most time we spent together non-stop like that, and it was great.
when we got home, a month of stress got the best of us and we started fighting more than before. we were far apart from eachother... had little money to spend on travelling to see each other as we spent it all in europe, and things were slowly but not-noticeably going down the drain.
saw each other one weekend, had some nasty fights over really stupid small things (mainly caused by me)...but by the time i was going back home things were better and we promised to see eachother soon.. blah blah blah
3 days later, he dumped me ..deciding he cant take it anymore BBBUUTTT he still loves me and wants to be with me (just cant do it).
so ive been trying to act really strong, cut him off completely cuz it just hurts too much to be friends. i didnt want to break up, and i faught for it for days... but it only made things worse probably.
now i miss him so incredibly much, and we talked casually the other day, but it only made me hurt even more...
do i move on??... right now it feels like i cant.
do i do anything or just wait... hope that he'll miss me and reconsider type deal..
*sigh* im not doing as well as i hoped i would be. i cant act as strong as i'd like to, and not only my emotions but my body is getting the worst of it...
i still go out and have fun, hang out with friends and whatever.. in that time i feel great but if one little memory jumps back into my mind...when i go home im a wreck.
any advice would be appreciated.. maybe harsh stuff too so i can get it in my thick head to move on. |
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| DarkAngel |
Long distance relationships. More popular now than ever before, thanks to the intarweb.
Some work, some don't.
You got to see each other quite the few times, which was good. But things went sour, and kept going, as far as I can see.
Having been thru LDRs, I don't recommend them to anyone.
However, sometimes they work. 2 of my most fav. ppl in the world are living proof of that. :)
goodgreefgirl, defitely move on. Seeing someone who was a part of your life like this will easily bring back pain, even if it's just being friends.
I wish you the best of luck. |
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| Radagast |
| Harsh advice, I know just the guy. Arbiter? Come and play. |
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| torontotrance |
K, I'd end contact with him for at least 4 weeks. If you are hurt that bad with him around, then you need to deal with the issues. My blunt opinion, these relationships ALWAYS fail and they never achieve nothing cept ripping your already torn heart out even more.
I hope you find the one.
have a nice day |
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| Arbiter |
So let me get this straight -
You were going out with this guy, and everything was going great. Then you decided to start being a bitch, which cased a bunch of fights, and you kept being a bitch until he couldn't take it any more and he dumped you. That sound right? Good.
Anyway, here's my advice:
- Take your medicine: You created this problem with your own poor decisions. Instead of looking for a way out of it, why not just accept the fact that you ed up your relationship and you probably deserve to feel the way you do now.
- Learn your lesson: Don't look at this just as a punishment for your own ineptitude, look at it as an opportunity to better yourself. In the future, if you really care about your significant other then perhaps you should actually show it, as opposed to, you know, starting fights with them and making them upset. That's not a very good way to let someone know you care about them.
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself: You have no one to blame but yourself, and to be honest, you sound like you're blowing this way out of proportion. You realize, I hope, that there are millions of people out there who feel just the same way that you do or worse because the fact of the matter is that many, many relationships end badly. For many of these people, it isn't even their fault, it's either their partner's fault, or just unfortunate circumstances. I might feel sorry for some of those people but I sure as hell don't feel sorry for you because you're just experiencing the result of your own piss-poor decision-making. You shouldn't feel sorry for yourself, either, because you don't deserve any sympathy, not even your own.
- Learn to communicate coherently: Just by reading your post I can tell you have the communication skills of a three years old boy. Rambling, disjointed thoughts connected by inconsistent punctuation, nonexistent capitalization, and inexplicable sentence and paragraph structure. If I were the type of person to give a person the benefit of the doubt, I might speculate that your poor communication skills are limited to an inability to write, rather than a general inability to communicate. But the contents of your post tell a different story. You couldn't communicate to your ex-boyfriend that you cared about him - that much is for certain. And my guess would be that miscommunications were responsible for many of the "fights" you started with him as well. You can't have a quality relationship with someone unless you can communicate with them, and right now I have serious doubts about your ability to communicate with anyone.
- Learn not to depend upon strangers on the internet for advice: While there's nothing inherently wrong with asking for input on an internet message board, there are far too many people who seem to want to use the internet as a substitute for a functional brain. Don't become one of them, because if you do everyone will hate you.
You're welcome,
Arbiter |
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| CATHAIN |
Be honest with the guy, tell him you still love him(or however you feel?).
I'd like to think if this ever happened between me and my g/f she would just straight tell me whats going on in her head so then at least we both know where we stand and could decide where we may want to go from there without the indecision... |
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| goodgreefgirl |
yeah I agree with some of your guys' posts.. even arbiter's (though I think judging I am a poor communicator from a single post is a bit out there - even if it might be right... as i do have a hard time expressing my feelings with the right words. blame it on the 2nd language or a crazy mind or just being in a rush...whatever). Anyway, thank you for your guys' input!!
the thing is that i just feel like a lot is unfinished, unexplained and it bothers me. I like knowing what is going on, especially when it's something of this size...and the fact that he and I don't talk much anymore doesn't solve that one single problem. I guess he and I are both to blame for that, and that's all there is to it. We're also in control of it... but I don't want to run back to him to tell him how I feel, as I'm scared it'll just end up hurting me more in the long run.
arbiter again, to your comment about seeking advice on internet. I've gone through trying to figure this out for myself, and i am definitley still continuing on trying to do that. Just because I've asked opinions on the internet doesn't mean I will go and do what was said in here...but some new perspectives never hurt.
It's also nicer hearing from people (even if behind computer screens) who have gone through a similar situation and moved on to be bigger, stronger and better. It's uplifting, in a way.
The reason, also, why I haven't gone back to tell him I love him and miss him so dearly is because he was the one who broke up with me. I realize he did it because he probably didn't want to be with me (either at the time being, or forever), and I'd like to think I have SOME pride and ambition left....BUT I just have that one single speck of hope left in me that he and I could work this out. Speaking of ambition and pride....I'm pouring my heart out on the internet. maybe I contradict myself too much :p
anyway, thanks guys.. any other opinions will be much appreciated. When I asked for harsh, I definitley got harsh :) |
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| Tranc3 |
Harsh advice?
.....nahhh I'd probably get banned. |
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| BTG |
| kill yourself, life is over. |
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| Radagast |
| No no no. Kill your ex first so no one else can have him, then kill yourself. |
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| goodgreefgirl |
hoped more for realistic advice :) and i received it earlier! :) thanks guys.
:) now YOU guys are just intarweb-thugs *narrr* and im shaking in my pants cuz u dont care if i die or not :p
like i said, thanks to those who gave mature input, as for the rest of you... meh. |
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