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Some funny eye problem stuff
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| Magnetonium |
Me and my friend tumbled across an "Eye Problems" thread, and here's a response we came up with (we thought their list was incomplete). This post came from Here
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Originally posted by Magnetonium
With regards to this "Eye Problems" Thread ...
How about
GOT ANY PROBLEM READING THIS???????
I cant believe you actually took your time to list all those eye disorders ... you may as well add "Stabbed-In-The-Eye-With-A-Plastic-Fork-Syndrome". I have some additions to your TINY list of eye disorders:
:stongue:
Macular Degeneration (MD)
An estimated 3 Americans have signs of this sight-threatening disease, the world's number-four-thousand-seven-hundred-twenty-fourth cause of blindness. But medical researchers are working on it — dont be a statistic - seek help NOW! :whip:
Age-related Macular Degeneration (AMD)
An estimated 6.1 billion people around the world have signs of this sight-threatening disease, the world's number-one cause of blindness (those most likely at risk of this age related disease: 4 months to 95 years old). Are YOU or anyone you KNOW at risk? If so, panic.
Allergies
Itchy, teary, red, orange, green, confuscious, sweaty, swollen, misbehaved, misty, or missing eyes are key signs of allergies. Get tips on relief while you can (see). (Tip: Do not insert ragweed deep into eye! *exceptions can be made only in Dec. til the end of Nov.)
Amblyopia (Lazy Eye)
Amblyopia or LAZY EYE usually develops in young lazy children (who dont their homework) and can mean permanent visual dysfunction if not diagnosed and treated early on. Serves them right.
Blepharitis
Inflammation of the eyelids can cause eye irritation, tearing, foreign body sensation and crusty debris :eek: ). Learn the best treatments for this often-chronic condition (dont worry, a small percentage of patients don't die, and have regained some consciousness and lower-limb sensations :))
Cataracts and Cataract Surgery
If you live long enough (not bloody likely), you are likely to get a cataract (very bloody likely), which causes cloudy vision (very bloody). Fortunately, cataract removal is a routine procedure*.
(*may cause torturous painful death).
Color Blindness
Learn about the types of color deficiency and how to cope. (I bet you ran a red light before, but you were as sure as hell it was a green light!
Dry Eye Syndrome
Why eyes get dry, and the problems that can result. Drops and special plugs can help restore the moisture your eyes need. In case of accidental dry eye, consult a mortician. 5-7 times a day...do you cry enough? (Tip: Do not dry your eye lashes with turbo hair dryers set to jet engine power)
Floaters and Spots
They're typically benign, but they can also signal a serious problem, such as a detached or semi-detached, or dangling retina.
Glaucoma
An ever-narrowing optic nerve and a diminishing field of vision result from glaucoma. Read about the latest research and other glaucoma news on our special newsletters, sized 1cm X 37cm (narrower versions NOW AVAILABLE! Please inquire when ordering).
Hyperopia (Farsightedness)
Read about this visual disorder in which you look better from a distance than up close. :clown:
Hyperbola (Very-Very-Far-Far-Farsightedness)
Read about this visual disorder caused by reading too many line graphs (please refer to Graph attachment for more statistical info) :wtf:
Keratoconus
Special contact lenses may be necessary for a thinning, bulging, or not-bulging-enough cornea. (WARNING: Do not get contact lense near eye. Do not make direct eye contact with the lense(s). Limit viewing to 20min a day at own risk)
WARNING!!! BEWARE of Eye Jewellery!
You may have seen those tiny bits of "eye jewelry" in heart, half-moon, and other shapes, that some people in the Netherlands have had implanted in their eyes.
The American Academy of Ophthalmology issued a statement expressing concern that the fad may be harmful. According to Academy spokesperson Wayne Bizer, D.O., "My concern would be that it might cause foreign body granuloma or scar tissue." He continued, "The implant could also allow bacteria to get beneath the conjunctiva, causing a serious vision-threatening infection or possibly erode the sclera, the white part of the eye." He continued further, "My concern would be that i'm a f*cking moron".
Ocular Hypertension
Elevated eye pressure (above the Dead Sea level) has no symptoms, but it is easily detected through an eye or rectal exam. Take care of it before it develops into fatal chronic glaucoma AND/OR slight pelvic discomfort.
Ptosis (Drooping Eyelid)
Surgery can correct eyelids that droop; find out more at www.you'll-shoot-your-eyes-out.com. Tip: Vitamin A may help.
Retinitis Pigmentosa
Poor night vision, under-developed eyes, and blurred vision beginning in the fetus may be prevented if caught early in this rare hereditary disorder. Can Vitamin A help? No. Can 300IU of Selenium supplements taken twice daily on an empty stomach help? No.
Strabismus
Misaligned or crooked eyes can mean not only crossed eyes but also eyes that point upward, downward, outward, inward, slantward, diagonalward, verticalward, insideoutward, eastward, forward, ackward, eastnorthwestward, reward, coward, duckward, crossward, maternity ward, call forwarding, fall over backward, afterward, asbestos cork award, passward, dirty ward, four-letter Anglo-Saxon ward, microsoft ward, the Ward Of God, American Civil Ward, or Academy Award. There are remedies.
Miscellaneous Vision Problems
Can't find a particular topic here? Yes? Well, TOO BAD! It seems like you are suffering from attention deficit disorder, please start over reading this whole post again. :whip:
So go ahead, punk, and ask yourself this question:
What's your freaking eye problem???
Is radiation from computer monitors harmful to your eyes? = :crazy:
Yes :nervous:
No :conf:
Answer: Yes! WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS ABOVE LIST IF viewed on a computer monitor. Instead, please write our office for a printable version, or use your home printer to print this list BEFORE you begin reading.
WARNING: Also do not read words as small as this sentence.
WARNING: Do not read this sentence.
WARNING: Do not read the sentence before this one (or this one either!).
WARNING: Thank you.
w h a t a r e y o u l o o k i n g a t? :eyes: |
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| Yan |
I don't want to read a f*cking essay.
summary or stfu |
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| Magnetonium |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yan
I don't want to read a f*cking essay.
summary or stfu |
That wuz a summer "E". Buy the weigh, have you red thru it¿ Eye quarantee u wood find @ leased sum off it sunny - that's is the hole point of that post. :eek: |
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| CATHAIN |
| quote: | Originally posted by Magnetonium
That wuz a summer "E". Buy the weigh, have you red thru it¿ Eye quarantee u wood find @ leased sum off it sunny - that's is the hole point of that post. :eek: |
Am i missing something here? Just reads like a medical journal... |
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| dospunk |
| It was obviously made by a really boring person who is trying to be smart and funny. Come on guy we need dick and fart jokes. Hop to it. |
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| N|te-L|fe |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yan
I don't want to read a f*cking essay.
summary or stfu |
:stongue: :haha:
couldnt have said it better |
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| Magnetonium |
| quote: | Originally posted by N|te-L|fe
:stongue: :haha:
couldnt have said it better |
My friend is killing me. Thats it. No more jokes from him. :whip: :whip: |
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| keddo |
| whats the deal with this thread? |
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