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the best NTL complaint ever!!
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| goldenarmZ |
this bloke puts yevat to shame!!
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57 xxxx Street
xxxxxx
xxxxxxxx
xxxx xxx
27-09-01
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.
My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website…. how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.
Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived … a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%… these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman…. and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to.
Frankly I don’t care, it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were , that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That’s why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’t anyone else is there?
How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become dessicated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it’s worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats,
Yours psychotically,
Xxxx Xxxxxxx
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HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! ROFLMAO!!!! :D:D:D:D |
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| tu_face |
lol... why is it rite, evry1 moans about AG bein , it works fine for me... evry1 moans about ntl bein e, i never have problems with my connection, i get good speeds dl & ul... and surfin is hot most of the time (when my bandwidth isnt bein eaten by AG)
sheer madness |
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| Spad |
| Lol!! Where did you get that from? |
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| Coup |
HAHAHAHAHH!!!!! thats absolutly halarious! i can honestly see all that true! mind you, although every ntl servive i have had, and thats all, all have been total dog BUT cable internet, i give credit there, good speeds across the board and no probs at all, apart from that, ntl = utter . i think that yevats master email was better tho! lol! longer! :D oh well, break over, back to lessons! hehe!
ps- ntl will proberly reply in about a month, try and get hold of the reply, if they do:) |
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| goldenarmZ |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spad
Lol!! Where did you get that from? |
nose... :D my mate at work found it while he was surfing round looking for ppl that are pissed off with BT openworld (like him) |
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| RainbowBrite |
| :stongue: **laughs her dinner up** :stongue: |
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| Dj O'Callaghan |
| I'm with Bt and their completly ing useless, like the other day I had to try about 20 times to get onto the net cos their lines are always engaged lol, I e-mailed haha a complaint to them and their like Sorry are engineers are working to fix it haha what bull, it'll still be like this for months:( |
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| Coup |
| get ntl, problem solved. :D |
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| torontotrance |
| ROFLMAO, i bet they read it and started laughing cause everything the guy said was so true. NTL should be shot. |
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| Dj O'Callaghan |
Right enoughs enough!
*Hunts down every Rangers and Aston Villa supporter and shoe's them to death with their own shoe's serves them right for being sponsered by NTL* (Leave Celtic out of it):D
*Walks round Northampton with a Steel baseball bat and smashes every BT phone box I see, plus gathers bonus points by beating up every BT engineer I see*
:D Problem solved :D |
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| goldenarmZ |
| ^^^^^^ If I still liked football, I'd crowbar you to death for that!! but I hate it now so I'll let u off :D |
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| Dj O'Callaghan |
| :D haha time to get lynched by Rangers and Villa supporters aarrrghhh |
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