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Funny Woman Jokes
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| 00soups00 |
continuing on this trend of chastising woman..
now we've covered violence
its time to move onto plain sexist jokes
heres some beauties that i found in my email archives -
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut,and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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| Chookie |
| Sometimes guys just don't know when to shut-up :whip: :whip: |
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| DaveBegic |
| oh no.. bit of a lovers tiff between you two |
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| tathi |
some classics in there hehe :)
still prefer the odd baby joke tho |
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| Chookie |
| quote: | Originally posted by DaveBegic
oh no.. bit of a lovers tiff between you two |
:rolleyes:
| quote: | Originally posted by tathi
still prefer the odd baby joke tho |
yep I agree, I love some of those baby jokes, I also have a really racist joke that I like, but I won't be saying that on here;) |
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| 00soups00 |
carn chooksie
you cant have a buildup like taht and not tell us! |
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| jizza |
| quote: | Originally posted by Chookie
I also have a really racist joke that I like, but I won't be saying that on here;) |
good. im rather sensitive to such things.
anyway:
why do black people die in wars?
because when someone yells out "get down!", they all start dancing. |
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| Chookie |
| quote: | Originally posted by 00soups00
carn chooksie
you cant have a buildup like taht and not tell us! |
I could get kicked off here for telling it, it's racist towards aboriginals..... and as a welfare worker I couldn't do it...... |
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| töbias |
| quote: | Originally posted by jizza
good. im rather sensitive to such things.
anyway:
why do black people die in wars?
because when someone yells out "get down!", they all start dancing. |
:haha: :haha:
Thats both offensive and funny. 2 ticks in my book.
On the thread title I find jokes about women insensitive, disgusting, immature, cheap and lame.
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| Chookie |
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends. |
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| Sly_Guy |
| quote: | Originally posted by tathi
some classics in there hehe :)
still prefer the odd baby joke tho |
Are you talking about 'dead baby' jokes?
Oh man, I have some seriously tasteless jokes which I refuse to tell in this forum. |
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