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I love jokes! (pg. 2)
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| guster |
two drum and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
ba-dum-chhh. |
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| CONNERMAN2000 |
I bought a parrot, and the parrot talked, but it did not say "Im hungry", so it died.
:D
courtesy of Mitch Hedberg. |
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| digitul punk |
One time there was this guy who was pretty tired of his sex life.. the next day he goes to the doctor and asks him "How am I supposed to improve my sex life doc?" the doctor replies "Just masturbate before u have sex and last longer.. It'll improve it".
So the next day the guy decides that he's gonna masturbate and go have sex. He goes to the bathroom and finds it too open.. he goes to the alley and finds it too wierd.. well an idea strikes up in his head, while heading back home from work he pulls up the truck on the side of the highway and gets underneath it and starts masturbating with his eyes closed and thinks about his wife.. a cop pulls over and says :
"What's going on down there?" the man replies "the truck's axle's busted" with his eyes closed.
The officer replies "well young man, you might wanna check the breaks on your truck because your truck just rolled over down the hill 5 minutes ago"... |
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| embeejay |
| quote: | Originally posted by tribu
A guy rushes into the house and says to his wife, "Pack your bags, I just won the lottery"
She says, "Should I pack for warm weather or cold?"
He says, "I dont care, just be out of the house by noon" |
:stongue: :stongue: |
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| Laughingfennec |
- what is the "WHY" of the "BECAUSE"??
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- answer : The elephant
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:conf: :conf:
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:conf:
- Why?
- Because...
:p |
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| Cloudburst |
One lesbian vampire to the other:
"See ya next month!" |
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| e*motion |
what do you call the useless skin around a vagina?
a woman. |
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| Gholy Host |
| quote: | Originally posted by e*motion
what do you call the useless skin around a vagina?
a woman. |
So much hate in this thread. I think Orbax just got one upped.
Here's one I heard a week or so ago that I really liked. Reworded by me, so it may be a bit off.
This guy Bob dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates they tell him that he was a relatively good person, but he cheated on his income tax, so he should still be going to hell. But they say that if, for the next 5 years, he stays with this extremely fat disgusting woman, has sex with her on her every whim, and [pretends to] enjoy it, then he can go to Heaven. So, the guy sees the woman, and she's just minging (been waiting to use that), but he figures it's a small price for going to Heaven. So he does it. After awhile he sees a friend of his, Fred, with a woman even fatter and more disgusting than his. He goes to talk with him for a bit, and Fred tells him 'Yeah, I cheated on my income tax moreso than you, and stole more money through it, so I'm with this woman for 5 years.'
So they're talking when they see a mutual friend, Chuck, with this amazingly beautiful woman. They quickly rush over and ask him what he did to deserve her as a punishment. Chuck replies 'I don't know, but the sex has been great, these have been the best 5 years ever. She loves me, has sex whenever I want, and always enjoys it. Odd thing though, every time we finish up she rolls over and mutters 'Damn income tax''. :D
-Here's another pretty bad one that I can't get out of my head.
3 Nuns are painting a room in the Abbey, and have been ordered not to mess up their habits. So they decide to take of their habits and paint nude. They're painting the room one day when they get a knock, and a man asks if he can come in, he's a blind man. So, they agree to let him in. They open the door, and the guy says. 'Nice rack; here are the blinds'. |
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| Cal |
| These two korean refugees are on a ship going into Vancouver. So everything is fine, they evade the coast guard and disembark in port. The first korean guy says - "Hey I heard there is this food here called Hot Dogs, so why don't we celebrate our arrival to this great land by eating one?" The second guy says that its a great idea so they go and find a hot dog vedor. The get their food, the first korean unwraps his hotdog, looks at it, then looks at the other korean guy, and says - "And what part of the dog did you get?" |
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| Azz3D |
WHy do you get an erection while shaving?
Cause you see a in the mirror
:haha: |
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| Floorfiller |
| quote: | Originally posted by Azz3D
WHy do you get an erection while shaving?
Cause you see a in the mirror
:haha: |
:stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: |
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