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ask dr. eldritch
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| Psy-T |
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| quote: | Dear Dr. Eldritch,
I am a vampire, but I still ask for your help! I am not like the others. I understand if you merely wish to drive a stake in my heart, but please let me explain my situation.
I was turned over three hundred years ago. My first decades were spent with other vampires, and we did viscously hunt humans for food and sport. We were hunted in return, and my comrades were slaughtered. I vowed that I would not meet their fate, and sought to live in a manner that would not draw attention to myself. Since then, I have gathered a huge fortune, mostly through real-estate investments. Some of my acquisitions were made possible by an inhuman lack of guilt, I must admit, but those were over a century ago. My transgressions against humanity have not been so severe for a long time.
I no longer stalk the night for innocent victims. How do I survive, you ask? I own a non-profit blood services company; completely legitimate. The blood we supply to hospitals saves many human lives. We screen all donations, naturally, and if some of the rejected blood comes to me for 'disposal', what harm is done? Human illnesses mean nothing to me; blood that would otherwise be destroyed keeps me alive. I feed, and no one suffers.
My home is not a dank castle, it is a beautiful mansion, with the latest technological advancements and an extensive collection of art. I only go out between sunset and dawn, but conduct business during the day by phone. I live far to the north, where the sun sets quite early half of the year. Cold means little to me, so during the long winters, I may move about and socialize with humans freely. I am well respected in the community. With such care I have taken, I believe nobody knows my secret, not even my employees and servants. I live and act as a normal human, except for my secret daily consumption of blood.
So why do I write for help, you ask? My life may seem perfect, but it feels empty. My business and investments take only a few hours of my day, and the rest of the time, I don't know what to do with myself. Literature has no appeal for me, I have read so much over the centuries that all stories have been told before. Television is merely tedious since the final episode of "Friends" (I particularly enjoyed the ones with the little monkey! Sehr nett!). I have tried hobbies. My model ships and airplanes are accurate, but I find no pleasure in them. Social events in the community offer some respite, but only fill a portion of my time. Lately I have been having thoughts of my early days, with the excitement of stalking humans and the taste of hot, fresh blood. I fear if I do not find a suitable diversion, I may once again take to violence against others. You surely know that path will only end tragically.
I repeat, please help me! What can I do to stave off the boredom?
-- Herr X, somewhere in Northern Europe
Dear X,
Just when I think I've seen everything, I get a letter like yours! A pacifist vampire? What's next, a profit-driven, Capitalist Liberal?
My usual prescription for vampires involves direct sunlight or high-caliber silver bullets. I will set aside my prejudices, however, if you're truly trying to eschew bloodshed. This is the clearinghouse for the Strange and Unusual, and I am here to help...
To paraphrase from the New-Age movement: "Life is what you do while waiting to die." Most people spent their few allotted decades struggling to acquire adequate food and shelter each day, and perhaps some reserves for retirement. Many are content to plod this treadmill for a lifetime, filling their spare moments with pointless diversions, like watching NASCAR or professional wrestling. A rare few will ask themselves "Why do I do this? What is Life all about?" They're no closer to having a clue than the mindless drones, but at least they're asking the questions.
It's normal for humans to dwell on their own mortality and wish to leave a legacy behind. Many do this by having children, which is better than nothing, but others strive to leave their unique mark on the world. This may be through improving the lives of the less fortunate or creating emotional works of art or shaping the course of human history, or merely getting the high score on their favorite video game at the arcade. These activities give a sense of purpose, that in some small way, that person's life has made a lasting impact.
Part of your problem is that you're undead. When your soul shuffled off to the Great Waiting Room In the Sky, with it went your capacity for human emotion. That's why literature, model-building and television leave you empty. Creating a legacy doesn't occur to you. These things don't inspire joyful feelings, because you've lost the capacity for joy. Yet, like most vampires, you miss the ability to feel and care. You crave it. Business and cocktail parties aren't meaningful enough to satisfy living humans (except for the really shallow ones), so it doesn't surprise me that they're not doing it for you. What you need is violence.
Traditionally, vampires can only compensate for their lack of souls through brutality on those who still have theirs. As you've seen, that usually ends as a small pile of dust, signaling a loss for Team Vampire. However, you may fill your need for visceral conquest through virtual violence. You could buy a video-game system and try single-player video games. Many of them provide highly-realistic graphic violence. I suspect you'd tire of those, as you would be merely brutalizing unfeeling images, which wouldn't really satisfy. Instead, I suggest Massive Multiplayer Online Games (MMOG's).
MMOG's are huge gaming systems on the Internet that create virtual worlds, where real, human players roam as tiny, electronic beings, called avatars. Thousands of avatars may be exploring these online realms concurrently, and a certain degree of violent conflict is expected. Find one that encourages players to attack other players, and start the carnage! Knowing that each avatar you strike down is connected to a living person who suffers from that loss should give you the visceral thrill you need. Online mayhem may be the margarine-substitute for the sweet butter of real-world violence, but you may learn to love the taste. And it will keep you from the sharp end of a pointy stick.
Good luck, and let me know how it comes out!
- Dr. Eldritch |
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| Dr. Eldritch |
| Hey, thanks Psy-T! Glad you're amused. There's a new letter every week; check it out! |
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| hrt_mike17 |
| "filling their spare moments with pointless diversions, like watching NASCAR" .. wtf is that supposed to mean? nascar rules. obviously someone dont know what their talkin about :whip: :mad:. Racin is all iv ever known and all iv ever been around. |
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| LiquidXTZ |
| Oh yea driving around in big circles is real fun :rolleyes: |
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| hrt_mike17 |
| quote: | Originally posted by LiquidXTZ
Oh yea driving around in big circles is real fun :rolleyes: |
again, people runnin their mouth when they have no clue at all what they are talking about. Dont talk about what you dont know. :rolleyes: |
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| Frisco |
| Then enlighten us. I've been in and around racing for years and I would personally say that nascar is towards the very bottom of racing compared to f1, indy, auto-x, rallye, etc. I've got family that loves nascar and I've been to an event and I just don't see the allure. I'f you've never seen Michael Schumacher or Peter Solberg tear it up in their respective formats your are missing some amazing racing and skill beyond any nascar driver. |
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| LiquidXTZ |
hrt_mike17 , please stop acting like as if you know everything so much better than anyone else.
If my knowledge doesnt let me down then i recall that F1 is faster and mroe complex than nascar.
So how about you give Rubens Barichello, Michael Schuhmacher, Pablo Montoya a look and see what real driving at 350 km/h is like.
But nvm you seem to be kind of stuck up on your driving in circles skills so please either explain to us as frisco said why nascar is so great, or just stfu please. Kthx |
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| hrt_mike17 |
F1 real driving? i guess using traction control and and buttons to help you not go over the speed limit in pit road is real driving.. Stick them in a real car when it really comes down to the driver and i bet you would see who the real drivers are. Stick a cup driver in a F1 car and i bet they could damn near win. Stick an F1 driver in a cup car and i bet they would be another Bodine, wreckin all the time. And dont be a panzy callin me stuck up, your runnin your mouth about stuff you dont even know about. now you stfu kthx.
AGAIN theres alot more to it then just "going in circles" and AGAIN you seem to showcase that your STILL talkin about stuff you dont know about.
So, with that being said its obvious i cant hold an argument with someone who knows 0 of what they are talkin about.. so im done with this one. |
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| Frisco |
| quote: | Originally posted by hrt_mike17
Stick a cup driver in a F1 car and i bet they could damn near win. |
Now that I'd love to see, it'll never happen but I'd like to see!! And forget the millions more that driver would make by beating the snot out of Michael, but I'm sure its cause Nascar is just better is why they stay there.
| quote: | AGAIN theres alot more to it then just "going in circles" and
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Like what, hmmmm....drafting, fuel management, tire management, suspension setup, etc...those same things done at every level in racing? We can even take the same track - Texas Motor Speedway. Nascar races there, but CART goes to race the same exact track and guess what...they had to cancel because of the G forces on the drivers was making them pass out.
Data: http://www.indianapolismotorspeedwa...sc/00000162.htm
So tell me why CART isn't at least a step up? Same track, faster speeds, same racing skills needed but moving so fast the drivers are losing conciousness?
I understand NASCAR is popular and hey that's great it gets more people involved in the racing community. Hey I guess it's all opinion and everyone is entitlted to theirs. |
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| josh4 |
| Psy-T - i think most in these forums are not mindful enough to understand how exceptionally clever, insightful, and intelligent as well as humorous! lol that was. a rare several-paragraph quote i read start to finish, hurrah! |
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| hrt_mike17 |
| i understand what your saying Frisco.. But just because something is faster doesnt mean its better/harder.. look at the grip and all that them open wheel cars have because of the wheel base. You cant even rub fenders lol. If it were a step up, then i dont understand why guys like Tony Stewert left open wheel for stock cars. And why robby gordon has wasted the last 15+ years of his life in and out of nascar LMAO. When he was a proven winner in open wheel cars. Also, look at NHRA, 300+MPH, does that make it better/harder then any other kind of racing? i guess you really cant compare the two. I do feel open wheel cars are easier to drive due to the wheel base they have. Stock cars deal with so much. Everything from areo to tweaking the carb for the weather. |
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| Frisco |
Well allright, now that's a post I can deal with. No no rubbing fenders but have you ever seen open wheel cars touch, happens all the time and is usually a pretty spectacular event. Most tend to go airborne. Since I don't follow alot of Nascar drivers I'll have to defer the reasoning why they stay. My guess is that he raced CART which is seriously hurting for sponsorship and money and went where he could compete and make bank. Does that make it better? I bet we would both agree that it doesn't, it just makes better financial sense. There are what 50+ cars in a race? Where in CART there is 20+. Sure makes your odds better. I wouldn't even put NHRA stuff in the same category you're just trying to make bad comparisons there, which you stated yourself.
Not to bag on you, I've just never understood the allure of it. Kinda like basketball. I've always preferred higher horsepower/speeds with open wheel vehicles (motorcycle's included). Plus, and this is what counts most :) , the women are soooooo much hotter in f1!!! Where else do you get the hot ass girls holding an umbrella over you until the race begins??
I'm with you, racing is a passion of mine. And quite honestly the more racing we can get people involved in the better it is for all the sports, I just wish SpeedChannel aka Nascar Channel would offer more than just stock car racing. There are sooooo many other forms of racing that just don't get the exposure they deserve. |
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