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so....
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| Flec |
is it better to stay alone for awhile after you break up after a long relationship, or just jump right backin for a rebound?
:( |
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| Arbiter |
It depends on the specific situation and one's personality, naturally. But for most people most of the time I would suggest staying alone for a while.
It's important for people to be secure in themselves in that they realize that they can be perfectly happy without having any "significant other." If they do not have this level of comfort with themselves, it will most likely create problems in their relationships as well.
Often when people have been in long relationships which have just ended, they have the understandable but unrealistic view that something catastrophic has just happened to them. In their emotional state, they are more likely to make poor judgments with regards to new relationships - which is unfair not only to them but also to their prospective partners.
For this reason I would suggest in most cases a period of time away from relationships sufficient for the individual to reach a sense of fulfillment with his or her life alone before seeking to add the potentially rewarding but highly volatile element of love to it. |
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| Lira |
| Rebound = unnecessary headache |
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| kid nyce |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
Rebound = unnecessary headache |
Rebound = unnecessary headche +/- (taking anger out by tapping that booty.possibly finding out about her friends) |
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| kr00t0n |
Speaking from recent experience (gf of 1 year 3 months who I lived with broke it off with me in Decemeber) I fully agree with Arbiter
At first, all you want is to fill the space in your life that was filled by your ex, and it greatly amplifies the attractiveness of those whom your are even only slightly attracted to, or get on well with or makes you happy.
It also isn't fair on the person you get with if they are only rebound, because they might develop greater feelings, only to find that your initial attraction to them was more of a void filling act than a finding someone you really like.
If both of you can agree on it being a no strings attached type deal (yeah right), then I guess some physical pleasure could be cool, but it would vary heavily from person to person, and would prolly only work well for a small amount of people out there.
Stick by yourself, see your friends, do the things you enjoy, make use of the fact that you decide fully what you do, no need to leave the club earlier than you want to, or have to worry if you cant be bothered to eat any dinner, and most of all, take your time.
It takes a good while to heal a broken heart, my superglue is personally still setting, but it really isn't the end of the world (heck, I know I thought it was at the time).
:) |
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| ::TranceVanDyk:: |
stay alone for a while. pick up your thoughts. let the last relationship close the books finally, and then when you find another girl, continue. as for me, after my last breakup, im consiously staying single and unavailable. i have better things to worry about at the moment like school and atheletics, than having to talk on the phone for hours a night, being bored out of my mind, while pretending to listen, and all the bitchiness.
im open to dating though, and having fun, but no serious stuff. |
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| Swamper |
Take time out for you ... it may be tempting to engage in some rebound behaviour (hey, by all means) - but - you'll learn that there's a high chance of you feeling even worse afterwards cuz in a way you're giving in to the 'weakness' of not being comfortable with your new 'alone' status.
Hang in there.. do the you enjoyed doing before she was around.. and the #1 rule - don't fool yourself into thinking you're over her (when you know you're not) cuz you could have the potential of ing up something good the next time around
Peace. |
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| Mr. Pink |
I recently just got out of a relationship and boy- its real hard man. Real Hard.
i started seeing this dancer chick, and it didnt work out. But nothing evil or bad came out of that- right now im working on a few other prospects but you know, its all kind of useless.
im doing exactly what arbiter mentioned: trying to fill the void.
But to be honest- id rather get a little action here and there while I cope with the loss than none at all.
I have a nack for the 'friends with benefits' deal. Im just real honest and open about whats going on in my life. Im just out of a relationship, nothing serious, lets make out a bit, mmmmkay?
and it works
the key is- dont get attached, and dont let her get attached.
its hard, but it can work out.
best option though- stay alone.
I was single and alone for 3 years before i got my last girlfriend, but then again- i was always playing the field.
AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH PLAYING THE FIELD!
guys do it even when they have girlfriends ;) |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Mr. Pink
guys do it even when they have girlfriends ;) |
I'm usually as neutral and polite as possible, but in this case, I've got to say:
Doing this is ing low. |
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| Mr. Pink |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
I'm usually as neutral and polite as possible, but in this case, I've got to say:
Doing this is ing low. |
oh hellz yeah.
I am in total agreement with you on that one, Lira :)
but its trU, and its just part of my point.
if guys do it WHILE with women, its cool to do it just after a breakup.
the problem lies within the emotional business
1. the void from the beakup
2. the possibility of hurting your rebound or yourself. |
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| ierxium |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
I'm usually as neutral and polite as possible, but in this case, I've got to say:
Doing this is ing low. |
But we always low.
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| Psiweaver |
| that is really low to do, but that doesn't mean that guys don't do it. Its not like girls aren't doing it either. |
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