If there's anything I had to share, is my fondness for Dance Dance Revolution. It's by far, the most under rated artistic movement in the history of humankind.

Having cute girls hopping with glee in front of you for hours while they're distracted staring at an apparently innocent screen full of arrows. Brilliant!!!

Just name the genre: trance, punk rock, country... it's all there. Elvis Presley failed at that. John Lennon and his hippy followers could only dream of achieving this. At the same time it aims for the unification of the many different genres and destruction of pointless elitism, it's also an excuse for testosterone liberation. Long story short: it's perfect.

Two naive Japanese schoolgirls hipnotised by the evil video game. Notice that, by doing it, they ignore the greedy goals of another sneaky machine, selling a malicious beverage sold by the evil American.

We have to understand first how this amazing invention was created. It all began in 1969 (mind the year) when Kagemasa Kozuki, a clever Japanese geek founded the greatest enterprise ever: Konami. Konami itself stands for "Koukousei nami", which could be translated into English as "endless stream of honourable horny schoolgirls aiming for the pleasure of a lifeless male audience". What other group would spend more money on perversion than those poor young Japanese geeks who find themselves among videogames, reclusion and porn while the rest of the world is drooling over their classmates? That's how the best idea ever was born.

Obviously, it wasn't explicit enough, so foreigners who can't understand the depth of the Japanese millenar culture wouldn't start say it is obscene. The Japanese is, in fact, pretty good at conquering the world unnoticed. That's why Monofuku Ando, the inventor of instant noodles, took over the "college food" market, and Tadao Kikumoto, the mind behind the tb-303, managed to have a tiny box as the most important synth in the history of electronic music.

So 29 years after its foundation, Konami produced their most well crafted arcade game. "Dance Dance Revolution". First, it was distributed in Japan only, where busty girls are worshipped in the most bizarre ways. Once the Europeans saw that, they saw it had to be taken to their countries as well. And then, DDR was being shipped to all other continents. Sweden, Canada and Uruguay - they had all surrended to the almighty dance pad.

However, even though the mastermind behind Konami had everything carefully planned, he couldn't predict another problem that was to arise within a couple of years: DDR gangs.

That's bound to happen when there's too much testosterone involved: guys fight over girls, girls flee, guys keep fighting for the sake of it. I'm not going to post pictures of these merciless gangs and their fierceful fights as I don't think we would be prepared to how sad it is. People memorising the moves and playing while they face the crowd, people spinning all over the pad, doing what two average players wouldn't do even if they played together.

The same way Tiesto hijacked trance music as an excuse for deifying his ego, the members of these gangs challenge one another in the pursue of "the best dancer ever". By then, though, the girls realise how pointless the whole thing is, and abandon the once successful happy music playing device. Maybe symbiotic co-existence of geeks and schoolgirls still exists in an underground scene, waiting for the battles to end and eventually take over the world.

Meanwhile, I'm going to wait for the saviour of modern civilisation listening to its unpretencious songs talking about butterflies, captains and latin lovers. Never forget what DDR truly is:



Pure genius!