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Halloween Jokes!
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| Tygon |
Post your best Halloween related jokes here :)
Here's one to get you started:
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening." "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life." |
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| Playa24_7 |
| ^^^ hahaha! oh man! |
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| Playa24_7 |
| as for halloween jokes, havent done to much. on someones pouch, leaving a paper bag lit on fire with dog crap in it was always good. oh highschool lol |
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| bourgeois |
| lol thats dirty |
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| Jem_hadar |
PWNED your crazy biotch! Hahahahhahaha :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: :stongue:
thats the best joke ever! hahahahahahaah that's how you make a joke.
-jem- |
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| *~LiSa-LoO~* |
| Oh God...EWW!! |
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| KKEFKA |
Okay here is some cheeeeeezy halloween one-liners and jokes. Enjoy!
1) What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite!
2) What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling!
3) Why don't skeletons like parties?
Because they have no body to dance with!
4) Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
lol
5) What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
A sour-puss!
And the last cheese one-liner.....
6) What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo! :haha:
20 Fun Things To Do On Halloween
1.Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
2.Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3.Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4.Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5.Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
6.After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
7.Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
8.When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
9.When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and runaround the house, screaming until they go away.
10.Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
11.Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12.Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
13.When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
14.Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
15.Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
16.Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
17.Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
18.Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.
19.Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
20.Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.
Halloween Costume
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.
He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says: "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part."
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a scathing letter of complaint.
The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads: "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel.
Pour the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a Candy Apple!"
:haha: |
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| Tygon |
| quote: | Originally posted by Playa24_7
as for halloween jokes, havent done to much. on someones pouch, leaving a paper bag lit on fire with dog crap in it was always good. oh highschool lol |
"Judas Priest Barbara... it's one of those flaming bags again!"
"Dooon't put it out with your booots, Teeeed..."
"Don't tell me my business Devil Woman! Call the fire department, this one's outta control!"
*stomp**stomp**stomp* ... *sniff**sniff*...
"It's POOP again!"
"HE CALLED THE POOP!"
"I'll get you damn kids for this! You're ALL GONNA DIE!!!"
"This is greatest night of my liiiiiiife" |
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| Playa24_7 |
| ^^^ hahahhha! :stongue: :stongue: |
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