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Joke
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| Pariah Cleric |
Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and sees a huge, bearded man standing there.
"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road...Having a Christmas party Friday night...Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."
"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...There's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild sex, too."
"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"
"Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us." |
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| Ygrene |
| So.....did he go or not? |
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| Theresa |
| quote: | Originally posted by Ygrene
So.....did he go or not? |
That reply was funnier than the joke :D :stongue: |
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| Pariah Cleric |
| And how much did he tip... oh wait... this is my own thread. :( |
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| Cloudburst |
| quote: | Originally posted by Ygrene
So.....did he go or not? |
Yeah, you can't just tell a story and not tell how it ends. :( |
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| stevieboy32808 |
Hahhaha he got screwed. Here's a mean joke for ya:
There were these ten ugly women who got hit by a train and died. As they were being escorted to heaven, their angels told them that they were only granted one wish. They agreed and as soon as the first ugly woman arrived to heaven she asked God that her only wish was to be beautiful. God said: "wish granted". The second women asked for the same wish and God granted it. Woman after woman they started wishing for the same thing until the tenth and final lady came along. When God asked her for her wish she said: "Make me beautiful as long as the 9 ladies in front of me were made ugly again!" |
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| dj_bas |
| quote: | Originally posted by stevieboy32808
Hahhaha he got screwed. Here's a mean joke for ya:
There were these ten ugly women who got hit by a train and died. As they were being escorted to heaven, their angels told them that they were only granted one wish. They agreed and as soon as the first ugly woman arrived to heaven she asked God that her only wish was to be beautiful. God said: "wish granted". The second women asked for the same wish and God granted it. Woman after woman they started wishing for the same thing until the tenth and final lady came along. When God asked her for her wish she said: "Make me beautiful as long as the 9 ladies in front of me were made ugly again!" |
That's not very funny... |
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| stevieboy32808 |
| quote: | Originally posted by dj_bas
That's not very funny... |
Meh, what are you gonna do? |
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| Theresa |
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine - I just quit drinking." |
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| Theresa |
A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.
"I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I'll have a basketball team!" said the Catholic.
"That's nothing!'' said the Baptist. ''I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son and I'll have a football team!"
"You both should be ashamed of yourselves!'' said the Mormon. ''I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!" |
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| eye_03 |
| oh SNAP a golf course! what if he wants to play the back nine ?:wtf: |
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