|
Six affairs
|
View this Thread in Original format
| dj_alfi |
The First Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for
her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.
Exhausted from
the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 PM.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take
his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
Mystified,
she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and
drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife
when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair
with
my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon.
I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
The Second Affair
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly
beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try
one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and
sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later.
The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new
son.
He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child
he had ever seen. He went to his wife and told her there was
no way he
could be the father of that child.
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!"
Then he gave her a stern look and asked,
"Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"
The Third Affair
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to
examine
the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or
cremated.
As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be
cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the
longest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician,
"but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously
huge private part like this. It has to be saved for
posterity."
With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead
man's privates.
He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.
The first person he showed it to was his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he
said,
and opened up his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" the wife screamed,
"Schwartz is dead!"
The Fourth Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then
dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered.
"Just pretend you're a statue." -----
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the
room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly.
"The Smith's bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so
much,
I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later
when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning,
the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned
a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something.
I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and
nobody
offered me as much as a glass of water."
The Fifth Affair
A man walks into a nightclub one night.
He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"One Cent?" exclaimed the man.
So the man glances over at the menu and asks,
"Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak,
with chips, peas and a fried egg?" ------
"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real
money."
"How much money?" inquires the man.
"4 cents," the bartender replied.
"Four Cents?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy
who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his
business."
The Sixth Affair
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining
a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand,
tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his
slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"Becky my darling," he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice,
"I have something that I must confess."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky,
everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no I must die in peace, Becky I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"
"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky,
"let the poison work." |
|
|
| Yan |
3 and 6 were meh.
The rest were fairly amusing. :) |
|
|
| Yan |
| quote: | Originally posted by Nou
I heard six flags has some fun rides... |
YOU HEARD WRONG.
They have some awesome, kickass rides. :p |
|
|
| Coup |
haha ing class. im sending that to some people at work.
number 5 was ace, made me burst out laffing!
good stuff. |
|
|
|
|
