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Nymphomaniacs Convention
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| Abydos |
> A man boards a plane and takes his seat.
> As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very
> beautiful woman on the plane. He soon realizes
> she is heading straight towards his seat.
> Lo and behold, she takes the seat beside his.
>
> Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out,
> "Business trip or vacation?" She turns and smiles
> and says, "Business, I'm going to the annual
> Nymphomaniacs Convention in Chicago."
>
> He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman
> he has ever seen, sitting next to him and she's going to a meeting
> of nymphomaniacs!
>
> Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asks her, "What's your
> business at the convention?"
>
> "Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the
> popular myths about sexuality."
>
> "Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"
>
> "Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that
> African American men are the most well-endowed,
> when actually it is the Native American Indian who
> is most likely to possess that trait."
>
> Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, When
> actually it is the men of Hispanic descent. However, we have found that
> the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern
> Redneck.
>
> Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes.
> "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I
> don't even know your name"!
>
> "Tonto!" the man says, "Tonto Gonzalez . . .
> But my friends call me Bubba!" :stongue:
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SIGN'S THAT YOU'VE GROWN UP
1. Your potted plants are alive. And you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next
door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
17. Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of
one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms
and pregnancy test kits.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff.'
21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces "I'm never going
to drink that much again."
23. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real
work.
24. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't apply
to you.
laterz
abydos |
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| Sir. Lunchalot |
| quote: | Originally posted by Abydos
25. You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't apply
to you.
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, I`m getting old...:p |
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| Fraggle |
| quote: | Originally posted by Abydos
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
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damn, that would either be very very good, or very very very very bad :D:D:D |
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