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Scotland vs Southerners
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| Ian |
Nicked this from someplace, it's kinda amusing :)
50F degrees
People in southern England turn on the central heating
People in Edinburgh plant out bedding plants
40F degrees
Southerners shiver uncontrollably
Glaswegians sunbathe on the beach at Largs
35F degrees
Cars in the south of England refuse to start
People in Falkirk drive with their windows down
20F degrees
Southerners wear overcoats, gloves and woolly hats
Aberdonian men throw on a T-shirt & girls start wearing mini-skirts
15F degrees
Southerners begin to evacuate to the continent
People from Dundee swim in the North Sea at Broughty Ferry
Zero degrees
Life in the south grinds to a halt
Inverness folk have the last BBQ before it gets cold
Minus 10F degrees
Life in the south ceases to exist
People in Dunfermline throw on a light jacket
Minus 80F degrees
Polar bears wonder if it's worth carrying on
Boy Scouts in Oban start wearing their long trousers
Minus 100F degrees
Santa Claus abandons North Pole
People in Stirling put on their 'long johns'
Minus 173F degrees
Alcohol freezes
Glaswegians get upset because all the pubs are shut
Minus 297F degrees
Microbial life starts to disappear
The cows in Dumfriesshire complain about farmers with cold hands
Minus 460F degrees
All atomic motion stops
Shetlanders stamp their feet and blow on their hands
Minus 500F degrees
Hell freezes over
Scotland wins the world cup |
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| narcism |
| nice to know because as of today im thinking of moving to scotland :crazy: :crazy: |
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| moondog |
| think you should leave out the 'scotland wins world cup' bit. That will never happen :p |
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| Stu Cox |
| quote: | Originally posted by moondog
think you should leave out the 'scotland wins world cup' bit. That will never happen :p |
Well done for missing the joke |
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| Grrrrr |
As much as it should have been the world cup joke that made me laugh it was this part: :D
| quote: | Minus 173F degrees
Alcohol freezes
Glaswegians get upset because all the pubs are shut |
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| Streakfury |
| quote: | Originally posted by Stu Cox
Well done for missing the joke |
:haha: :haha: :haha: |
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| chojin |
nice :D
Corporate Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you ?’800 to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her ?’800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the ?’800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story! : If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2:
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The! next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshlt might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. |
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| moondog |
| quote: | Originally posted by chojin
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very good, like 'em :) |
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| shades_of_gray |
:stongue: :stongue:
Nice One Ian! |
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| est |
| Haha! Southern softies... |
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