|
i'm not going to do drugs anymore....
|
View this Thread in Original format
| peace n trance |
i'm really scared. since moving to london from ing pennsylvania, you can only imagine how much more oppurtunity i have to party like a rock star just about every weekend if i so chose. though i haven't exactly taken advantage of that THAT often, i really have done E far more times since moving here than i am comfortable with.
last night i went out, and you can take one guess what i did, knowing i had work this morning at 11. after coming home from just a stupendous ing night out at about 7 this morning, i took one look in the mirror and i almost threw up. if i had chosen to suck it up and just go to work, i probablly would have gotten fired. so, instead of doing this, i chose the way out, and i called my work and put on a oscar worthy performance lying about being food poisoned. i'm sure my manager believed me too, as i was almost in tears when telling her about the "excruciating pain i was in that kept me up all night..." basically, it was almost as if i wasn't even lying... the pain i described to her is how i felt as a person for doing what i was doing. oh yeah, coming down certainly didn't help.
as disgusting of a person as i feel, you have no idea how fortunate i see myself for being able to see this as a terribly urgent issue before it escalates beyond control. during one of my little e-capades a few weeks ago, i caught myself thinking how i was even getting a little bored with E, and should try something like K "to spice things up" or something i suppose. in my head, i knew what that ment right then and there, and i bascially just chose to dismiss the thought. i have soo much going on for me right now. i can't afford to this up. too many people back home will be able to say "i told you he'd himself." and too many people here are in clear view of doing exactly that to themselves. it really disgusts me that i am on the pathway to becoming like them.
the sad thing of all of this is, i don't even need the ing E. last night, i was having soooo much fun raving sober. i chose to do it anyway... even after i had prepped myself all day telling myself i wasn't going to, as i knew i was going out.
none of you guys really know me personally. but i needed to talk about this somehow, and i figured enough people on here have been through or know someone who has something very similar... i just don't want to ruin my life. |
|
|
| Sveta |
| WOW.....I never used any drugs so i can't imagine being in your shoes but there are so much pain in your post. Only last weekend some of my friends "recommended" me to try E but it's so not me, so i refused. If you are so determined to quit it, do it. I support you 100%. |
|
|
| DOOMBOT |
| You are in control of what you do. Hope writing out your misfortune helped a little but what is really going to make you feel better is following through with this. Good luck. :) |
|
|
| PaulCky411 |
| sounds to me like you need some anti depressants, hahaha |
|
|
| DJ Eco |
| ^^^:rolleyes: im glad you had the power to write it up on here, hope it makes you feel better and hope you stay strong in the end :) |
|
|
| HardTranceProd |
| quote: | Originally posted by peace n trance
i took one look in the mirror and i almost threw up. |
why? What did E do to your appearance? |
|
|
| peace n trance |
| quote: | Originally posted by HardTranceProd
why? What did E do to your appearance? |
my pupils were the size of ing golf balls. i had no color in my face. all something that happens after a typical e night out, that you usually just laugh off. however after seeing myself this way after thinking about everything that was on my mind, when i was due to be at work in just a few hours really put things into perspective.
thanks everybody for all the supportive comments. believe me it really does help. i know i'm going to be okay. i'm too good and have way to much going on for myself right now to up over something as ridiculous as drugs. i'm just so embarrassed and disappointed in myself for letting things even progress this far. |
|
|
| FLYBOY |
| quote: | Originally posted by peace n trance
my pupils were the size of ing golf balls. i had no color in my face. all something that happens after a typical e night out, that you usually just laugh off. however after seeing myself this way after thinking about everything that was on my mind, when i was due to be at work in just a few hours really put things into perspective.
thanks everybody for all the supportive comments. believe me it really does help. i know i'm going to be okay. i'm too good and have way to much going on for myself right now to up over something as ridiculous as drugs. i'm just so embarrassed and disappointed in myself for letting things even progress this far. |
wow the size of golf balls ? thats scary dude... anyways..hope you feel better and...keep your chin up and just say NO =). hope you learn something from this experience your not the only one who feels that many people have gone thru same thing as you. |
|
|
| Piet |
cmon dont be a , have some fun :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
seriously though if you find it difficult to resist you may have to avoid situations/environments/people where you will be tempted for a while. |
|
|
| vtec junkie |
| There is a time to work and a time to play. It's up to you to be responsible and not let your play interfere with your work. Your prob freaking out thinking how your life is going down the drain because you screwed up.....but I'm here to tell you that it's not. Why? Because you realized WHAT could come of this when most people just keep doing the same old ....partying their asses off and calling off work left and right. Atleast you are not that person. So just act up and start being more responsible and if you choose to not do drugs anymore....that's great, good for you.;) |
|
|
| kid nyce |
you probably could have avoided the whole situation by being responsible and keep your priorities in check. if you knew you had work the next morning, you shouldn't be out doing drugs period. i admit i've used my fair share and still do, but that doesn't mean i dismiss my priorities, especially my job and professional career. i think the realization is part of a reality that you just can't accept, if you are going to play the part know the consequences. im sure you knew that doing drugs does alter your appearance, especially your eyes. I'd really question you if you were oblivious to that.
Not to be harsh or anything man, just that this realization you had is something you should have already known once you started taking drugs. althought all drugs are not safe, i think as any average person out there, you should be interested in knowing what exactly is going to happen, what the after affects are, basically find out or read up on it before you use.
Choices are choices - Maybe drugs are just not for you. There is no problem with that. |
|
|
| peace n trance |
| quote: | Originally posted by kid nyce
you probably could have avoided the whole situation by being responsible and keep your priorities in check. if you knew you had work the next morning, you shouldn't be out doing drugs period. i admit i've used my fair share and still do, but that doesn't mean i dismiss my priorities, especially my job and professional career. i think the realization is part of a reality that you just can't accept, if you are going to play the part know the consequences. im sure you knew that doing drugs does alter your appearance, especially your eyes. I'd really question you if you were oblivious to that.
Not to be harsh or anything man, just that this realization you had is something you should have already known once you started taking drugs. althought all drugs are not safe, i think as any average person out there, you should be interested in knowing what exactly is going to happen, what the after affects are, basically find out or read up on it before you use.
Choices are choices - Maybe drugs are just not for you. There is no problem with that. |
all of what you say is true... i guess only time will tell if i choose to continue doing them sparatically. for the time being, its out of the question. i've always been aware of everything you mentioned, but since coming here just a few months ago its just been so easy to get away with it. there hasn't been any consequences to make me question my behavior. all the while though, in the back of my head i would say to myself "well maybe i should slow down a little," but then dismiss it as i wouldn't see any negative side effects right then and there.
even though this particular incedint isn't completely major in the grand scheme of things, it's been enough to make me realize its a terrible idea to sit around and wait for the problem to become visible before i attempt doing anything about it, which at that point it could be to late without the aid of major assistance. its just horrifying to be able to so closely see how this situation could easily become very, very dark, very, very quickly. |
|
|
|
|
