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Men vs. Women
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| Cosmo |
Probably you already red it, but anyway, as far as i hadn't found it here:
Women's English-
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
Was that the baby/dog? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an _sshole
Men's English-
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventuallylike to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that
I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I am gay.
Just some thoughts on man and woman.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
Peace! :) |
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| {b.s.e.} |
| lmao those are golden and so very true. where did you get em? |
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| Eugene |
pizdets kak pravil'no.
zolotye slova. |
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| miss_e |
| tis funny how some of them are actually kinds true =) |
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| Rustang! |
Here's something i read a few months ago in the toronto sun:
The woman's version of last night:
"I went to a leaf game with my husband yesterday, but he just wasn't paying any attention to me. He didn't even notice my new haircut! I tried everything to get him to notice me, but nothing worked. On the ride home we didn't say a word to each other and when we got home he just sat down on the couch and watched tv. i asked him if he was angry at me but he said no. when i asked him again he insisted that he wasn't angry at me. so i went to our room and and put on those thongs he loves so much and waited for him. when he finally came to bed, he got on top of me and we made love. but it was strange, because i could still tell that he was mad at me for something but he kept insisting that he wasn't. when he woke up this morning everything was back to normal and he didn't seem angry anymore. what did i do wrong?"
The Man's version of last night:
Went to a leaf game with the wife.
The wife nagged all night.
Leafs Lost.
But at least I got laid!:D
hehe, I hope u guys like this one |
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| Cosmo |
Ten facts men know about women:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have . |
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| SmellsExcellent |
LOL @ Cosmo.. funny guy
-M |
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| DJ Fundamental |
| quote: | Originally posted by Cosmo
Ten facts men know about women:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have . |
Damn! That's hella funny. More more!!!! |
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| Hell_Copter |
| quote: | Originally posted by Cosmo
Ten facts men know about women:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have . |
hahahah
great stuff!!! |
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| Cosmo |
Ten reasons, why New Year's Tree is better, than woman:
1. New Year's Tree don't care, how many New Year's Tree you had before her.
2. It doesn't give a , if you will use any exotic electrical tools.
3. You can tie New Year's Tree up, throw it¸ on a back seat of a car and transport it¸ this way.
4. You can touch New Year's Tree before you take her home.
5. New Year's Tree quietly concerns that you look football all day.
6. New Year's Tree will not become angry, if you'll break any of it ornament.
7. You completely sure can have a look under any New Year's Tree, without worring for consequences.
8. When you don't need New Year's Tree any more, you can simply throw it out.
9. New Year's Tree is not jealousy becouse of other New Year's Trees.
10. It doesn't worry at all that you have artificial New Year's Tree in a locker. |
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| Hell_Copter |
damn Cosmo...
another nice one...
u just got it!!! |
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| Cosmo |
Why are dogs better than the women?
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The dog lets you play with other dogs.
The dog understands that you are her owner.
The dog loves it when your friends come.
The dog thinks that you sing wonderfully.
The dog loves rough games.
The dog likes it when you leave a heap of things on the floor.
The dog will like your hairy body.
The dog likes it when you fondle her publicly.
The dog finds it amusing if you are completely drunk.
The dog has 10 .
The dog won't care if you call her some other name.
The dog does not borrow your shirts.
The dog won't care if you give her young away to someone.
The dog does not wait for your call when you're away or late.
The dog does not do shopping.
The dog doesn't care who you're passionate about.
The dog does not cry.
When you raise your voice to show who the Boss is, the dog will agree with you.
The dog understands that instincts are better than any valuable instruction.
It's not likely that the dog will live longer than you.
The dog's place in the house never changes.
You will never see the dog's parents.
The dog spends just a few seconds in the bath.
When the dog grows old and becomes pissed off at you, you'll be able to put her to sleep.
It is lawful to keep the dog leashed.
You never have to wait for a dog. He is ready to go with you 24 hours a day.
The later you come home, the more joyful the dog is to see you.
Why women are better than dogs?
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In our society it is accepted to have sex with a woman.
The woman looks well in a sweater.
The woman can make pop-corn.
How are women dogs are similar?
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Both look silly in hats.
Both look well in woolen coats.
For both, it's important that you caress them.
Both can eat two kilos of chocolate in one sitting.
Both want somebody to scratch their back.
Both will try to show, with their appearance, that they listen to your every word.
Both will never understand football.
Both will never understand that silence - gold.
You can never guess what either of them has on their mind.
Special thanks goes to Eugene, who helped me to translate it.
Thanks, pal! 
More 2 come 4 you from Russian Mafia :stongue: :stongue: :stongue: |
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