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++Joke for the day++ (pg. 2)
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| CONNERMAN2000 |
| quote: | Originally posted by emc^2
Two guys are driving somewhere in Texas. State trooper (cop) pulls them over. He walks up to the car, taps on the window with his nightstick (club). Driver slowly lowers the car window, at which point the cop just wacks him on the forhead with a stick. "Ouch! what the hell was that for, officer!?", inquires the driver. "Boy, you're in the state of Texas - when I pull you over, you have your license and registration ready in your hand. Got that?!" "Yessir!". Cop walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger lowers his window and almost immediately gets whacked on the head with a stick. "! What the hell did I do?!!!!!", screams the passenger. "See, few miles down the road you would say 'I wish he'd try that with me!' - I'm just making your wish come true, son." |
:haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: good one |
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| emc^2 |
One guy is visiting a drug-friendly bath house in Amsterdam. As he's about to roll up a fatty and smoke it, dude comes up to him and says "Hey, why bother with joints, have you tried the magic pill?" "Magic pill?", asks the unsuspecting lad. "Yeah, sure mate - here, try one - beats any drug known to man, it will make you trip your off! I'll be over in the corner - if you don't like it, just come by and I'll give you your money back". A bit cautious but curious, our boy decides to give the "Magic Pill" a try.
After taking the pill, about 30 minutes later and very disapointed, he comes to the dealer and says: "Ok, this pill didn't even give me a buzz. I want my money back, as you promissed!" "Ok, ok, mate. But before I give you your money back, try another one and if it doesn't work - not only I'll give you your refund, I'll double it!". Unable to resist a risk-free temptation, young lad decides to plunge another pill.
Yet another 30 minutes pass but nothing happens. Very frustrated customer by now, he sees the dealer get dressed and walk out the door. Young man runs after him buck naked, only to see the dealer jump into a cab and take off. He hails a cab and orders the cabbie to follow the dealer. After about a good 30 minutes chase, in the midst of the woods, the cabbie says to his naked and very angry customer: "Hey mate, no offense, but from your naked looks, I take it you don't even have the money to pay me for this chase. Get the out!" Unable to offer cabbie even a dime as assurance, naked and totaly duped druggie is flung out in the midst of the dark and scarry forest.
As he walks back to the city, fear hits his stomach and he has no choice but to squat by the bushes to take a dump, when all of the sudden he hears a booming voice, "HEY WAD! - What the HELL do you think you're doing, taking a in the middle of my bath house?!!!!!" |
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by emc^2
One guy is visiting a drug-friendly bath house in Amsterdam. As he's about to roll up a fatty and smoke it, dude comes up to him and says "Hey, why bother with joints, have you tried the magic pill?" "Magic pill?", asks the unsuspecting lad. "Yeah, sure mate - here, try one - beats any drug known to man, it will make you trip your off! I'll be over in the corner - if you don't like it, just come by and I'll give you your money back". A bit cautious but curious, our boy decides to give the "Magic Pill" a try.
After taking the pill, about 30 minutes later and very disapointed, he comes to the dealer and says: "Ok, this pill didn't even give me a buzz. I want my money back, as you promissed!" "Ok, ok, mate. But before I give you your money back, try another one and if it doesn't work - not only I'll give you your refund, I'll double it!". Unable to resist a risk-free temptation, young lad decides to plunge another pill.
Yet another 30 minutes pass but nothing happens. Very frustrated customer by now, he sees the dealer get dressed and walk out the door. Young man runs after him buck naked, only to see the dealer jump into a cab and take off. He hails a cab and orders the cabbie to follow the dealer. After about a good 30 minutes chase, in the midst of the woods, the cabbie says to his naked and very angry customer: "Hey mate, no offense, but from your naked looks, I take it you don't even have the money to pay me for this chase. Get the out!" Unable to offer cabbie even a dime as assurance, naked and totaly duped druggie is flung out in the midst of the dark and scarry forest.
As he walks back to the city, fear hits his stomach and he has no choice but to squat by the bushes to take a dump, when all of the sudden he hears a booming voice, "HEY WAD! - What the HELL do you think you're doing, taking a in the middle of my bath house?!!!!!" |
:wtf: That's weird. :wtf: |
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| emc^2 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Sushipunk
:wtf: That's weird. :wtf: |
Bottom (pun sorta intended) line is: Drugs are bad, mmmmokay? |
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| emc^2 |
Bush goes for his morning run, with the Secret Service trailing him. As he jogs across the bridge, he slips and falls into icy cold water. Before the Secret Service even has a chance to jump in after him, 3 boys who happened to fish nearby, pull him into their boat and bring President Bush to the shore.
"As a leader of the free world, I offer you boys my deepest gratitude for saving my life...", Says Bush, "...and each one of you will get anything you like!"
One boy says: "Gee, Mr. President, I've always wanted to meet Shaquealle O'Neal" "Son, not only will you meet Shaq, I'll personally make sure you'll get a basketball and sneakers signed by Shaq himself!" "Mr. Bush, I've always dreamed of going to Disneyland", said boy number two. "Well, you and your family will get a monthly pass to Disneyland, free hotel stay, and I'll even fly you there on Airforce One!", said the leader of free world. "What would you like, son?", Mr. Bush asked the third boy. "Well, Mr. President, I'd love a fully-pimped out wheelchair, with built-in game system, DVD player, stereo, and 22 inch spinner wheels!" President looked him up and down and said, "But son, I don't understand, why a wheelchair? You're not even handicapped." "Oh, don't mind that, Mr. President..." said third boy, "...I will be, once my daddy finds out I saved your sorry ass!" |
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| pkcRAISTLIN |
| quote: | Originally posted by emc^2
Bottom line is: i tell ty jokes. |
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| DJ Mikey Mike |
| Bottom line is, i've read funnier jokes in christmas crackers. Take your jokes somewhere else. |
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| shades_of_gray |
| Ancient joke, heard that about 6 years ago. |
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| Dj_Skez |
These jokes are old as hell but I still like them.
Joke #1
A black guy and a white guy are arguing at the Pearly gates, St.Michael walks up to them and asks "Whats the problem", they let him know that they're trying to figure out if god is black or white. St. Michael says "shhh, he's about to speak", a mighty voice is heard over the clouds and god says to them "I am what I am". The white guy yells "see, I told you he was white", the black guy says "how the do you know that" White guy says , if he was black he would've said " I is what I is"
Joke #2
A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face".
Joke #3
2 blondes walk into a building, you would've thought one of them might've seen it.
Joke #4
3 guys (John, Michael, Jason) are driving down a Texas dirt road on a stormy night and their car breaks down in the middle of the night. They come out of the car and notice a small hotel down the dirt road, John says " I guess we should get some sleep and call a Mechanic tomorrow morning". Jason and Michael agree. They walk into the motel and ask the clerk for a room. The clerk says "I only have one room available with a king size bed", They talk amongst themselves and agree to take the room. John decides to sleep on the left side of the bed, Jason on the right and Michael in the middle. The nex morning Jason is the first to wake up and he wakes Michael and John up with a big smirk in his face. John says "why are you so happy this morning, our car broke down, remember?" Jason says "I know, I know, it's just that I had this wild dream last night"
"In this dream some hot chic was blowing me and then jerked me off" John says "get the outta here, I had a similiar dream, I was also getting head and got my dick jerked" . Michael frowns and says "well you guys are lucky son of a bitches, my dream sucked" "In my dream I was skiing down some slopes" |
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| Mommy420 |
| quote: | Originally posted by emc^2
Bush goes for his morning run, with the Secret Service trailing him. As he jogs across the bridge, he slips and falls into icy cold water. Before the Secret Service even has a chance to jump in after him, 3 boys who happened to fish nearby, pull him into their boat and bring President Bush to the shore.
"As a leader of the free world, I offer you boys my deepest gratitude for saving my life...", Says Bush, "...and each one of you will get anything you like!"
One boy says: "Gee, Mr. President, I've always wanted to meet Shaquealle O'Neal" "Son, not only will you meet Shaq, I'll personally make sure you'll get a basketball and sneakers signed by Shaq himself!" "Mr. Bush, I've always dreamed of going to Disneyland", said boy number two. "Well, you and your family will get a monthly pass to Disneyland, free hotel stay, and I'll even fly you there on Airforce One!", said the leader of free world. "What would you like, son?", Mr. Bush asked the third boy. "Well, Mr. President, I'd love a fully-pimped out wheelchair, with built-in game system, DVD player, stereo, and 22 inch spinner wheels!" President looked him up and down and said, "But son, I don't understand, why a wheelchair? You're not even handicapped." "Oh, don't mind that, Mr. President..." said third boy, "...I will be, once my daddy finds out I saved your sorry ass!" |
LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:stongue: :stongue: |
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| Omega_M |
| quote: | Originally posted by Mommy420
LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:stongue: :stongue: |
wtf, a typical democrat joke. Not funny. |
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| emc^2 |
| quote: | Originally posted by DJ Mikey Mike
Bottom line is, i've read funnier jokes in christmas crackers. Take your jokes somewhere else. |
Ha! Your mom laughts at them, as I bang her in the pooper. And that's not a joke, douche. Just ask her. |
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