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FAO Brits Ipswich Murderer Jokes (pg. 2)
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| Dj O'Callaghan |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
Aaaah... so that's why you were talking that way in this thread! I thought you had just moved to England recently :p
:stongue: :stongue: :stongue: |
No I'm born in England and I have a British passport :eek: My Fathers English and My Mothers Irish :eek:
Just I was raised in the Irish house not the English one. No jokes about caravans please. |
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| Dj O'Callaghan |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lilith
Someone had to drag this thread out of the mire with something funny, yours sucked :p |
I think they're ok, great for the sensitive people at work.
I've lost count how many times I've heard the line 'That's somebodies daughter you know!' this week :stongue: |
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| Lilith |
Murphy goes to court accused of murdering hookers, being a good neighbour, Paddy goes in to support him.
The judge asked the defendant Murphey to please stand.
"You are charged with murdering a hooker with a chain saw."
From out in the gallery, a Murphy shouts,
"Ye, fookin, lying bastid!"
"Silence in the court!"
The Judge says to Murphy. He turns to Paddy and says,
"You are also charged with killing a hooker with a hedgetrimmer"
"Damn tight arse" Murphy in the gallery blurted out
"I said QUIET!" yelled the judge. To Paddy,
"You are also charged with killing a hooker with an electric drill."
"You bleedin' arsehole!" Murphy from the gallery roared.
The judge thundered at Murphy in the galley:
"If you don't tell me right now the reasons for your outbursts I'll hold you in contempt!"
Murphy answered back,
"I've lived next door to that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?" |
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| Dj O'Callaghan |
Englishman, Irishman and a Scottishman in an ID parade for a rape. The victim walks down the line and looks at them one by one when the Irishman jumps out of the line, points at her and says "Thats her! Thats the miserable bitch!!"
This one always makes me laugh |
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| Lilith |
| quote: | Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan
Just I was raised in the Irish house not the English one. No jokes about caravans please. |
Well if we can't do that, then we've only got the Scots, who arent funny, the British who don't get it and the chavs left to pick on. |
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| Lilith |
There's an Irishman, an Australian and a chav sat in a pub.
They see a familiar figure sat over by himself. They can't remember who he is, and are getting suitably annoyed, until eventually one of them recognises him: it's Jesus!
Being the good-natured people that they are, the chav was obviously on ecstasy or something, they buy him a pint of Guiness, a pint of Fosters, and a pint of Carling. After all, he is the son of God.
Jesus drinks them all slowly, and when he's done gets up and walks over to the three blokes to thank them.
First off he shakes the hand of the Irishman, and says "Thank you my son".
"Well Oi never!" exclaims Paddy. "Moi arthritis that Oi've had for turty yeurs has been cured! Tank you, Jasus".
Jesus then turns to the Aussie, and does the same to him.
"Strewth! My bad back has been cured! Nice one, Jesus!"
Finally, Jesus turns towards the chav, only to be met with the chav retreating hastily.
"What's wrong, my son?" Asks Jesus.
"F-off!" Replies the chav. "I'm on disability!" |
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| Dj O'Callaghan |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lilith
Well if we can't do that, then we've only got the Scots, who arent funny, the British who don't get it and the chavs left to pick on. |
Scots are brilliant to wind up they have mega short tempers.
Lilth that's orginally a scouser joke. |
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| _Ocean_Drive_ |
Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, running from the police. They come to a barn and decide to hide in some empty sacks. The policeman arrives a few seconds later and kicks the first sack
"Woof" said the Englishman. 'Must be a dog' thought the policeman
The policeman kicks the sack he saw next to it...
"Meow" said the Scotsman. 'Must be a cat' thought the policeman
Finally, the policeman came to the Irishman's sack and kicked it hard...
"Potatoes" came the reply! |
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| Ian |
| quote: | Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan
Scots are brilliant to wind up they have mega short tempers.
Lilth that's orginally a scouser joke. |
i find that scottish guys often have little sense of humour (mainly the neds, the ones like we have here, dervish, fundy etc are really funny) but scottish girls aren't easy to wind up.
And yeah. so wrong, but you have to laugh inside. somewhere deep deep inside. |
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| Konijn |
| quote: | Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan
Englishman, Irishman and a Scottishman in an ID parade for a rape. The victim walks down the line and looks at them one by one when the Irishman jumps out of the line, points at her and says "Thats her! Thats the miserable bitch!!"
This one always makes me laugh |
hahaha :) |
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| KilldaDJ |
| 6 TARTS IN A BOX HAHA :wtf: |
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| Dervish |
| quote: | Originally posted by Dj O'Callaghan
Scots are brilliant to wind up they have mega short tempers. |
Hahaha I know even I've done it on online poker (have my location as UK on it but some have towns and that). Love a game of "jock baiting". :p
And your a good crack too Ian... dunno about Joe tho.... lol :toothless |
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