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Relationship thread # 5 billion (pg. 5)
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| tranceDJ |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theresa
My first long term relationship (three years), we never fought... ever. We had our disagreements, but there was never a moment where one of us was angry enough to raise our voices at each other. That is... not until after we broke up... then I yelled at him a little bit (he deserved it).
Anyway, to be honest, I think I would bail out on a relationship if the guy became aggressive when he disagreed with me. I am not one who responds well to that type of thing.
Sushi, we have been together 7 months, and although we are still in the remainder of the honeymoon stage, I don't forsee either one of us ever yelling at the other.
I was curious because a girlfriend and I were talking about it, and she mentioned how she and her BF always fought, and then told me it wasn't normal that my BF and I didn't. I wanted to know what the general concensus was on that one.
Something else I would like to know... along with whether you think it normal/healthy or not, did you ever see your parents fighting when you were growing up? I wonder if this has a large influence on the opinions in regard to this. |
Not to blame things completely on women but I think unless the guy in the relationship is constantly a dick, some women sometimes like to at times intentionally start because they feel like they're not getting enough attention from the guy...like they use fights and arguments to get what they want (perhaps some guys are guilty of this too). Any guy whose been bitched at by his girlfriend when he really didn't do anything wrong can attest to this. Therefore, as long as a guy isn't a dick and the girl doesn't do like that there really shouldn't even be any fights in a relationship.
I really wouldn't be concerned if I was in a relationship like yours, be happy you're not like a lot of couples out there that are constantly at each others throats. |
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| MrJiveBoJingles |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theresa
I was curious because a girlfriend and I were talking about it, and she mentioned how she and her BF always fought, and then told me it wasn't normal that my BF and I didn't. I wanted to know what the general concensus was on that one. |
I would guess that it is not very statistically normal. But that in itself tells one nothing about whether it is good.
| quote: | | Something else I would like to know... along with whether you think it normal/healthy or not, did you ever see your parents fighting when you were growing up? |
Arguing, sometimes heatedly, but almost never shouting at each other, and never getting violent with one another. |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theresa
Something else I would like to know... along with whether you think it normal/healthy or not, did you ever see your parents fighting when you were growing up? I wonder if this has a large influence on the opinions in regard to this. |
i saw nothing but fighting and even a little violence growing up (mom and stepdad, not my real dad), and i am the opposite, so it doesn't always shape who you will become.
granted, i've had my share of dramatic relationships with mild violence and lots of drama, but i'm 25 years old now, and i learned at a young age that it's not healthy.
i mean, i know chicks in their 30's who are still with s and just don't seem to get it. i'm glad i went through that phase when i was like 19 and 20. i learned quickly that it's not what i want or need. it shouldn't be what ANYone wants or needs. |
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| Zoso |
I only recall one "fight" between my parents. I don't know how old I was...young, though. Even then it was just verbal, mostly mom stressing on something dad was doing or not doing. I hid behind a door so I could listen, but I don't know what was said. Maybe they hit me with a brick and I forgot.
Oh, something shiny! *Skips away* |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by tranceDJ
Therefore, as long as a guy isn't a dick and the girl doesn't do like that there really shouldn't even be any fights in a relationship.
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umm, maybe if you're just in a cutesy little relationship with no real responsibilities as a couple. it's a whole new picture when you move in together and start paying bills together, and even eventually have a kid together and get married:toothless
obviously that's on a more serious scale, but your comment above is definitely not true. that's my only point. |
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| tranceDJ |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
umm, maybe if you're just in a cutesy little relationship with no real responsibilities as a couple. it's a whole new picture when you move in together and start paying bills together, and even eventually have a kid together and get married:toothless
obviously that's on a more serious scale, but your comment above is definitely not true. that's my only point. |
I mean "fights" as in yelling and screaming at each other, basically letting things get way out of hand...of course there will be arguments over bills and such but as long as both parties are laidback for the most part, they should be able to talk things out maturely.
"Disagreements" are definitely healthy for a relationship, it's not human nature to agree with each other constantly. However "fighting" (yelling, screaming, saying hurtful things, etc.) is not healthy in the slightest bit...sure it's going to happen sometimes but should be kept to a minimum because it just harms the relationship. |
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| Slylee |
in a perfect world though right...
one of my biggest pet peeves when i'm in a relationship is arguing in front of people or letting the world know, "hey we're fighting".
i dunno why it just drives me mad. i'd rather us just be quiet or whatever and act like things are ok until we can continue working it out in privacy. |
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| lücid |
i've been totally guilty in the past of being the bitchy girlfriend who instigates a fight out of sheer boredom or need for attention. i don't do it as much anymore (RJT and i have a very healthy relationship and i really hate fighting with him)... but man i fought a LOT with my ex-boyfriends.
i think the biggest reason for it though was because i was living with them, and didn't have enough of my own space or freedom. when you're around someone more often it's a lot easier to get pissed off and argue or fight over the stupidest most pointless . also when you're living with someone you have no "escape" or break from the drama/arguement/fight/whatever and sometimes it can last a little longer than it should.
there were definitely some classic moments though... throwing irons through walls, punching holes in walls, kicking furniture over, running over the boyfriends foot with my car, throwing jewelry in the garbage, pouring beer on the boyfriend, running away and not speaking to the boyfriend for an entire weekend... LOL, i was a bit of a psycho.
i think my experiences with disagreements in past relationships has turned me into the kind of person who despises unnecessary drama... and even though i still have those moments where i act more stubborn or bitchy than i should, i try my best to handle all disagreements in a mature way. |
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| Zoso |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
in a perfect world though right...
one of my biggest pet peeves when i'm in a relationship is arguing in front of people or letting the world know, "hey we're fighting".
i dunno why it just drives me mad. i'd rather us just be quiet or whatever and act like things are ok until we can continue working it out in privacy. |
+ ing 1 |
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| lücid |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
in a perfect world though right...
one of my biggest pet peeves when i'm in a relationship is arguing in front of people or letting the world know, "hey we're fighting".
i dunno why it just drives me mad. i'd rather us just be quiet or whatever and act like things are ok until we can continue working it out in privacy. |
last friday Rob and i were driving home from a show in Chicago and we had 2 friends in the car with us. something came up and it caused some drama/arguing between Rob and i. it was really not a big deal and we diffused the situation quickly, but i felt SOOOO ty afterwards (it was totally my fault) that i apologized to both of our friends and explained the situation to them.
i absolutely hate when couples fight in front of their friends. it causes so much unneccesary drama and tension... and usually it's because they're just attention whores who can't keep their drama private. |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by lücid
i've been totally guilty in the past of being the bitchy girlfriend who instigates a fight out of sheer boredom or need for attention. i don't do it as much anymore (RJT and i have a very healthy relationship and i really hate fighting with him)... but man i fought a LOT with my ex-boyfriends.
i think the biggest reason for it though was because i was living with them, and didn't have enough of my own space or freedom. when you're around someone more often it's a lot easier to get pissed off and argue or fight over the stupidest most pointless . also when you're living with someone you have no "escape" or break from the drama/arguement/fight/whatever and sometimes it can last a little longer than it should.
there were definitely some classic moments though... throwing irons through walls, punching holes in walls, kicking furniture over, running over the boyfriends foot with my car, throwing jewelry in the garbage, pouring beer on the boyfriend, running away and not speaking to the boyfriend for an entire weekend... LOL, i was a bit of a psycho.
i think my experiences with disagreements in past relationships has turned me into the kind of person who despises unnecessary drama... and even though i still have those moments where i act more stubborn or bitchy than i should, i try my best to handle all disagreements in a mature way. |
exactly. i was pretty much just like that too. i've had some crazy ass moments in my past that involved like that. so i dunno, i guess in a way, growing up and seeing nothing but fighting and drama had its effect on me. i'm just thankful that it ran its course and that it was more like a phase of me trying to find myself and grow up in that sense. also, i think drugs played a huge role in most of the drama that was a part of my past relationships.
i remember we had matching stories about our ex's throwing all our out on the lawn. hahaha
dude, i'll never forget that day as long as i live, for so many reasons.
i came home at 11 in the morning one time after my ex ex and i had called it quits, but were still living together until i moved out. i didn't think he'd give a because we were pretty much doing our own thing, but i was wrong. i pulled up to the parking lot and every piece of clothing i owned was in the parking lot and dangling from the stairs. hahaha
jesus christ what a day that was... |
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| lücid |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
i remember we had matching stories about our ex's throwing all our out on the lawn. hahaha |
that's right! :stongue:
(except we didn't have a lawn so all my was piled up in garbage bags in a parking space in the underground garage)
and yah, if you don't have like a totally amazing and secure relationship... booze/drugs always lead to drama and fights! |
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