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Personal Wikis/Archives (now with hot girls dressed in distrbing outfits!!!) (pg. 2)
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| inconspicuous |
| quote: | Originally posted by idoru
If a joke has to be explained then it is no longer funny. I'll just let this one go unexplained and leave you to figuring it out. :p |
PENIS! |
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by idoru
If a joke has to be explained then it is no longer funny. I'll just let this one go unexplained and leave you to figuring it out. :p |
Ah crap, I really don't get it :( |
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| idoru |
| quote: | Originally posted by Sushipunk
Ah crap, I really don't get it :( |
| quote: | Originally posted by idoru
Page views? You mean pe-... aah, nevermind. |
| quote: | Originally posted by inconspicuous
PENIS! |
There. Do you see what you've done? It's no longer funny at all. I hope you're happy. :mad: |
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| UWM |
Let's just run this one into the ground and totally kill it.
PENIS. |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by inconspicuous
PENIS. |
| quote: | Originally posted by UWM
PENIS. |
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| Sushipunk |
| quote: | Originally posted by idoru
There. Do you see what you've done? It's no longer funny at all. I hope you're happy. :mad: |
Oh , right I follow you.
I'm sorry Idoru :(
Penis :wtf: |
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| Lira |
#670375 +(7623)- [X]
[JonTG] Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
[JonTG] wait,
#136524 +(6859)- [X]
[Raven] I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
[Raven] It said my password wasn't long enough. :(
#10372 +(5390)- [X]
[Charlesowns] Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
[Charlesowns] man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns
#203247 +(5056)- [X]
[@maddox] !
[@maddox] my mom just found my website
[+DMTec] isn't she proud?
[+khoveraki] ha
[@naken] you've been on tv 2 times, in the newspapers several times, been banned from a country, has 40 million pageviews
[@naken] and you didn't tell your mother?
[@maddox] "what is this? Did you draw this? It looks like a penis." "No mom, I didn't draw a penis"
[+DMTec] ROFL
[+DMTec] "no mom, i didn't draw a penis" thats good
[@maddox] now she's crying
[RichK] haha, your mom doesn't know about your website?
[@maddox] (on the phone)
[+DMTec] maddox: did she see the "suprise - I have a penis"-greeting card?
[@maddox] dmtec: oh , I forgot about that.. yeah I guess I did draw a penis.
[RichK] bahahahaha
[@maddox] hahahahahaha she just said "I wish I would have died and not raised you"
[+khoveraki] rofl
[@maddox] she hung up
[RichK] You are dispwned maddox
#572066 +(4965)- [X]
[Tall Israeli] I think just about anyone who meets me and talks to me for long enough comes to terms with the fact that I am a very sick, twisted person. Also factor in a few mountain dews, a Peer-to-Peer connection, and boredom and you get what might be the funniest combination imaginable.
I had been downloading music yesterday evening. Led Zeppelin, REO Speedwagon, Flock of Seagulls, things like that. Then I realized that it'd be a funny joke to play on people if I were to change "Keep on Rolling" to "Hot Lesbian Sex". I watched as within minutes this file got 50 downloads. I was astounded.
Then the Tom got an idea.
An awful idea.
The Tom got a wonderful awful idea.
What if, perhaps, I was to change some of these names to sick pornography titles? I wonder if I'd get any bites?
And this is where the fun begins.
The first title I put up was "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." I sat in anticipation, waiting for my first download. Success, the first download came. Then the second. Then the third. This baby was steamrolling down the information super highway like a trucker with a hardon that has 2 miles left to the next truck stop. Before I knew it, I was getting twenty downloads. Then thirty. Then fifty. Can you imagine that in the end, rather than getting dancing boys naked and indulging themselves with sweets and frolicking in a dewy meadow, one-hundred thirty two people got a disappointing video of Led Zeppelin performing "Dazed and Confused" in front of a live audience? At this point, I had no choice but to continue.
The second title I put up was "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked." I thought that this was too far out to get any downloads. Alas, I was wrong. It got a download. Then two. Then thirty. In the end, seventy-eight sweaty, drooling fudges wanted to see my ex girlfriend mow the lawn stark naked. She's not even that hot. Rather then get their lawn-mowing beauty, they got the song "Ozone baby."
For the third title, I decided to transform "White Wedding" into the more intriguing "Elephant horse." I wish I could say I was kidding when this thing was downloaded one hundred eighty seven times. I guess there is something about horses and elephants showing their cocks that bring out the best in people. I nearly died of laughter at this point. "How can nearly two hundred people want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!" For sanctity's sake, we're going to leave this as a mystery. I hope I turned some people on to Billy Idol, hopefully distracting them long enough to forget that masturbating to horse and elephant genitalia are not really something their mothers would be proud of.
I couldn't stop myself from doing another. "Grandma Bingo Sex." Short and sweet. I couldn't stop myself from amusing.........myself..... "Grandma Bingo Sex." Surely not a common scenario, and surely not a scenario that would arouse many a twisted psyche. Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche. One hundred twenty two. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO PEOPLE would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table, game card in hand, getting donkey punched by a 90 year old addle brained porn star. I rubbed my eyes just to double check. My eyes had to be lying to my brain. My penis had shriveled to the size of a 2 day old Wendys chicken nugget.
They asked for Grandma.
They got Joan Jett.
At this point I had to start taking puffs of my albuteral inhaler to keep from suffocating myself with laughter. "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" was my next proud creation. Everyone likes 38 Special, so everyone won't feel like such dumb-asses after downloading this footy piece of crap. Never underestimate the inertia traveling behind a toe inserting itself into a rectum, friends. It's like a fudging semi hurling down Interstate 40 in the noonday sun. One hundred twelve people wanted to jerk to this. God have mercy on us.
At this point, for some odd reason, the user name "Enraged Baboon" popped into my head. "Enraged Baboon fudging a nipple factory." No way in hell would this get many downloads. Who could possibly type in any or all of those keywords? I guess people like seeing sweaty red-ass baboons, nostrils flaring, banging their chests like Marky Mark in the movie "Fear", having sex WITH each other in a factory that produces baby-bottle nipples. Imagine what those children would look like. One hundred seventy two people typed those magic words into Limewire, and got a hot steaming pile of monkey love. Well, it was Pink Floyd, but a man can dream, cant he?
This could all seem very disturbing. My final experiment, however, made me dizzy as my precious sack retreated into my pelvis. ...THREE PEOPLE...three disgusting, drooling, perverted, fudged up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "An emu taking a vicious dump." How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter?
Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity.
If I may quote Method:
"You're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy."
#203815 +(4186)- [X]
[Fooz] In a perfect world... spammers would get caught, go to jail, and share a cell with many men who have enlarged their penisses, taken Viagra and are looking for a new relationship.
#377931 +(4179)- [X]
Miyomei2: I had my portable CD player, and took it in the bathroom with me while I went to pee.
Miyomei2: And the second I whipped my penis out, the theme song to 'Rocky' started playing.
Miyomei2: I've never felt more manly than in that moment.
#414951 +(2650)- [X]
[ninevolt] I may not be Jesus but my penis gives women a religous expereience.
[skittz] haha
[skittz] yeah
[skittz] it turns them into nuns
#350529 +(2174)- [X]
[glasnost] dammit, all my penis keep getting lost
[glasnost] err
[glasnost] penis*
[glasnost] dammit!
[glasnost] i've freudian slipped and i can't get up
#193026 +(2064)- [X]
[ndruo] i'm usig my onscreen keyboard
[ndruo] i's very triksies
[ndruo] he ltters re vry mall
[NeroMan] Translation: The letters are very small.
[ndruo] this will enhance my FPS skills
[SuperJoe] What's the translation for that?
[NeroMan] Translation: This will enhance my sexual ability.
[ndruo] i hte you.
[ndruo] GOD
[NeroMan] Translation: I love you, GENERAL ZOD
[ndruo] iffclt is this
[ndruo] :(
[NeroMan] Translation: This is difficult to the point I am saddened
[SuperJoe] General Zod is pretty cool, I'll admit.
[ndruo] 8=======D translte this
[NeroMan] Translation: "My penis is small enough that I can make a life size depiction of it using IRC text."
#469107 +(2024)- [X]
[RvLeshrac] [Terrorists] , maybe we shouldn't take hostages from countries whose people are more insane than us.
[RvLeshrac] [China] You give back hostages, or we kill all muslim.
[NegaDuk] i think if they piss off china too much, they'll find that china, the US, and britain will turn the middle east into a big walmart parking lot
[RvLeshrac] [China] We use nuke. What we care you nuke us? We have billion more people.
[NegaDuk] [China] nuke beijing. we tried sars. it no work
[RvLeshrac] [China] We stop birth restriction, we make billion more. Three day.
[NegaDuk] i think china's just being antisocial so someone will thin their population
[RvLeshrac] Seriously.
[RvLeshrac] China's answer to anything should be "We stop birth restrictions"
[RvLeshrac] [US] Stop flooding our markets with cheap goods, or we stop selling you soybeans. [China] We stop birth restriction! [US] . OK, OK! You can have the damned soybeans!
[RvLeshrac] I bet that was the real reason Clinton gave them our satellite codes.
[RvLeshrac] [China] You give us code, or we flood world with chinese!
[RvLeshrac] [China] All your shirt shrink up like penis in arctic.
[NightStar] damn those bad chinese laundry places
[RvLeshrac] [China] You never get decent haircut. You explain to women why no manicure.
[RvLeshrac] [China] We own you like Hong Kong.
#73 +(1802)- [X]
[ooze] take a hot swedish chick from behind, bend over to her ear. and whisper "i have aids", then try to keep your penis inside of her.
[ooze] thats swedish rodeo.
#187415 +(1604)- [X]
[g-core] Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long 1, Michael J. Fox has a little one, Madonna doesn't have one and the Pope has one but doesn't use it. What is it.
[pip] last name
[pip] no wait
[pip] penis
#525085 +(1594)- [X]
DBO: the guy in the middle lane is blasting his music full blast
DBO: so loud I cant hear my own music with the windows up
DBO: I mean really FREAKING loud
DBO: I look over at him and give him a nasty look
DBO: and then I see something on the car on the other side of him
DBO: its a note
DBO: written on cardboard
DBO: help up against the window
Muz: Yes...and?
DBO: "You music sucks, your stereo is too damn loud, and I'm sorry you have a tiny penis"
DBO: he turned it down after that
#124948 +(1586)- [X]
[@kitten`] Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. If you are not getting your mile and a half, why not let me help out
[Ritontor] strokes per minute is 9?
[i] rofl
[m0zz] 4 minutes?
[revva] lol
[Ritontor] what the deuce?
[m0zz] 4 minutes is average!?
[kb_DeAd] the average length of the male penis is 15cm
[i] well since i got at least 9 inches, you should be getting 2 and a 1/4 miles
[@mima] like 4 min is way too short
[kb_DeAd] the average depth of a female vagina is 18cm
[kb_DeAd] goin on current population
[kb_DeAd] australia has 12,367 feet of unused
[i] hang on... work out the average amount of cum we shoot up a bitch each time
[i] and we can work out miles per gallon
[Mad-Cow] rofl
[@catinahat] heAe Ahe AEHA EhaEH
[@catinahat] youre all ed up
#755 +(1528)- [X]
[saboteur] sometimes i wish i didtn have a penis
[saboteur] like when i get a wood standing up
[Damien] lol sab
[saboteur] and its hard to hide
[phase5] same
[phase5] or like, when your walking down the street
[phase5] and it hangs out the bottom of your pants
[phase5] and drags on the ground
[saboteur] haha
[saboteur] yeah exactly
[k] or when you lie down and planes crash into it
#48026 +(1518)- [X]
[preda] hehe my penis slowly rolling off my desk and when it falls off its going to hit my cat
[preda] err pen is
#465591 +(1490)- [X]
[Robyn] then we realised that james had ed with the bunsen burner
[Robyn] and set the lab on fire
[Robyn] penis ensued
[tempura] ...penis?
[Robyn] panic
[Robyn] PANIC
[Robyn]
#14492 +(1473)- [X]
[PinkShirt] jt has a handicapped plate, because his penis is so small.
[PinkShirt] it's classed as a "sever disability"
[jtstocker] ha ya
[jtstocker] HEY! i dont have a ing car
[jtstocker]
#283741 +(1459)- [X]
[Kabuki_Dude] ... My teacher just sprung a surprise psych test on me. It was a damned describing game... Like: There's a forest, describe it. I was being a jackass and said that the forest was burned down and blackened.
[Kabuki_Dude] Then she asked me how I went through the forest. I said that I ran through it denying all logic and reason.
[Kabuki_Dude] She asked me to describe a vase in the forest, so I said that it had a penis on it.
[Kabuki_Dude] Then she asked me to describe a barrier blocking the way. I said that the barrier was my mom with a pickaxe.
[Kabuki_Dude] About 3 days later, my psych calls me and wants to 'talk'. Apparantly, my teacher called my psyche with the results of my test.
[Kabuki_Dude] Here's how it went down: The way you described the forest was the way you viewed life. The way you went through the forest was the way you went through life. The vase is your view on relationships, and the barrier is how you think you're going to die.
[Kabuki_Dude] Needless to say, my teacher keeps her distance from me now.
#635274 +(1390)- [X]
[dil-hole] Today I was at a restaurant and was waiting for my food.
[dil-hole] Then I started to play my DS on pictochat see? And I found someone that was playing it too.
[dil-hole] We started to draw pictures and thinking it was some older guy and everything, I was joking around and drew a penis.
[dil-hole] I looked up to see who it was and about 20 feet away, I heard a gasp. I look up and it’s a 10 year old girl with a DS in her hands.
[dil-hole] I immediately closed my DS and hid it. That was freaken scary.
#667626 +(1302)- [X]
[Frostfyre] Alright. 5 reasons why I'm convinced that my penis runs Linux.
[Frostfyre] 1. I can create child processes
[Frostfyre] 2. I can handle multiple users on any platform at once.
[Frostfyre] 3. I'm VERY user friendly.
[Frostfyre] 4. I have incredible uptime.
[Frostfyre] and 5. When my system load gets too heavy, I end up dumping my core and the system shuts down.
#676873 +(1254)- [X]
[LocK] I had a conversation about my penis with 2 girls yesterday
[ezmac] must have been a short conversation...
[ophelia] If they're pointing and laughing, it's not a conversation
#743532 +(1190)- [X]
[aioli] i hope whoever invented the mysterious force gets his or her penis caught in a gear
[raxvulpine] Your attempt to be gender-neutral there only sort of worked.
#391241 +(1180)- [X]
aakashdheer: my grandmother gave me a wish
aakashdheer: i could either have a perfect memory or a huge penis
aakashdheer: i can't remember my decision |
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| inconspicuous |
| c0r version? |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by inconspicuous
c0r version? |
http://www.bash.org - best pointless fun ever :p |
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| inconspicuous |
oh--I din't start to read
bash is the
my all-time favorite bash quote:
Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by inconspicuous
my all-time favorite bash quote:
Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude |
lol... mine is:
[tennisgh22] i was watching this porn and the girl keeps goinng "see!!! see?!!!! seeeee?!!!!"
[tennisgh22] and i was like wtf see what?
[tennisgh22] but then i realized
[tennisgh22] it was in spanish :(
:p |
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